Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Salutations, O keepers of the sacred buttocks! Made up your minds about anything lately? I thought not! We'd best get on with the vile and bitter prognostications for miserable March then. I seem to remember (through a haze of irritation and quite natural indifference) you were squirming in the clutches of a psychic and drug-addicted minion of the law who, for reasons known only to the insane gods that rule this benighted universe, wanted to have sex with you.
The month begins with a New Moon in sickening Pisces and your solar sixth house. This is followed by a conjunction of revolutionary Uranus and Mercury the messenger while Venus the goddess is in Aquarius and mighty Mars moves into Capricorn. To add to this list of tedious cosmic folk-dancing, revolutionary Uranus moves into Pisces while the great Sol Invicti clashes with underworld Pluto. So, your would-be suitor abducts you near a busy freeway. Then you catch cold as she/he strips you naked (except, of course, for the mandatory handcuffs) and tries to seduce you in a disused bathing shed at the seaside near your home. Then, when you play hard to get, he subjects you to a vile, but rather stimulating sexual assault while a team of workmen arrive and begin putting in a bypass just across the rise from this den of abduction and illicit sex.
The Full Moon finds you still thus engaged and taking massive quantities of designer drugs in order to enhance the experience just that little bit more. As the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger move into Aries and your solar seventh house, you are so besotted as to propose marriage to your captor and offer to join the police force so that the two of you can walk the beat together forever. I'm feeling unwell now. I shall have to lie down until next month. Click here and see if I can be bothered waking up!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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