Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Ho to you, tiny imbecile airheads! We left you last month, exiled from your homeland and driven nearly insane by deceit, indecision and double-dealing, all the usual perks of the job for you vacuous twits. And, if you think that's bad, wait until you read the vile and bitter prognostications for jaundiced June. But, little nobodies of the 'buttocks' clan, why wait, for here they are!
Giant Jupiter and mystic Neptune wrestle in the Heavens and you begin dreaming dreams of famous artistic exploits and cinematic extravaganzas once more. You decide to give up all pretense of being anything other than the wonderful artist you (quite mistakenly) believe you are. You decide this as you're either giving or receiving 'paid for' sex in a brothel in the foreign land where you've so recently arrived. After all, it was the only job you could get on short notice and you really can't do without your soy latte and organic cinnamon and almond biscotti forever.
This all comes about because of something to do with Mars, Venus and your solar eighth house if you want to look it up in a book on astrology. I'm taking too much medication to remember it properly. Anyway, sober Saturn moves into your solar tenth house of profession, status and dealings with authority, so you decide that it's time to get your career underway again. As the great Sol Invicti opposes underworld Pluto, you begin offering sexual favours to local media barons to see if you can get your foot (or something anatomically quite close to it) in the door in your new locale. Strangely enough, your strategy works.
As Venus the goddess moves into Gemini, squaring revolutionary Uranus, you're hard at work, sitting up instead of lying down. The Full Moon comes in Sagittarius as Mercury the messenger also moves into Gemini and you manage to sell an idea for a miniseries, based on your recent experiences in the police force back home. Suddenly, you're in the money again, though you are mugged in the street by some of the personnel from the brothel where you used to work. Never mind! At least you didn't bleed on your nice new jacket!
Mighty Mars moves into Pisces and your solar sixth house and you're working furiously. You also start going to the gym, just in case you meet those brothel-workers once more. You don't work out yourself, but you do find a very large individual you can walk home with every evening. The Solstice comes as the great Sol Invicti moves into Cancer and your success seems assured. Mercury the messenger clashes with underworld Pluto and furious emails cross the Atlantic as your company sets up an American deal. Venus the goddess walks the same track and you fall passionately in love with an outspoken researcher who works for your company and speaks many foreign languages. Nine hundred ways to say 'I love you' might be the title of your next book! What do you think?
Come the New Moon in Cancer it seems that life is sublime. The contracts are signed and the shoot is ready to begin. And what's this, little airheads? They've even asked you to star as yourself in the miniseries! How could life get any better, even if they forgot to tell you that every major star in the country turned down the part because they couldn't bear to dress like you or speak in that odious accent you adopt in the mistaken belief it makes you sound sophisticated. These are just minor details because, little airheads, you're on your way, aren't you! Where to, might be the question! Click here next month and find out!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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