Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, nasty little 'scales' folk. How's everything in the world of designer underwear and vapid conversation? No! For god's sake don't answer that! I'm in enough pain already. Now, as to your fatally flawed character and imbecilic doings, here are the vile and bitter prognostications for jittery July.
Last month we left you on the verge of stardom! You were about to play yourself in a miniseries about your life that was also scripted by your good self. The prospect of such a fiasco is a sobering reminder of the suffering and misery that are the only bounties of this life in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods. As proceedings begin, all manner of fatuous planets congregate in odious Cancer and your solar tenth house. Doubtless, you will swan about, being moody and interesting (at least in your view) whilst you argue with everyone who disagrees with you and have a tantrum each time you can't get your way. This continues until unfortunate aspects involving your solar sixth house of work and health see you confined to bed.
This comes to a head at the Full Moon in lugubrious Capricorn, and thus shooting is delayed for several days. However, as Mercury the messenger moves into Leo and your solar eleventh house, you spend the time practicing your long-suffering looks in the mirror and sending lengthy emails to your friends about how you would even crawl about on set if only you could get some drugs for the pain. A healer is called to your bedside as Venus the goddess opposes natal Chiron. But, as Mercury the messenger then opposes nasty Neptune, you talk so much about the drama and wonder of you, and your tragic sufferings as well, that the poor creature has a breakdown and retires to the countryside, a gibbering mess.
The great Sol Invicti moves into Leo and you're inspired with a marvellous idea for yet another show. Carried away by the grandeur of your conception, you ring the studio and tell them. They say they'll be happy to consider the idea if you will just get out of bed and finish the shoot for the first one. Heroically, you soldier on to do so.
Come the New Moon in irritating Leo, the shoot is done and you've just signed the contract for the second show when your jaunt down the corridors of stardom takes a nasty turn near the toilets. Mighty Mars turns retrograde in tragic Pisces. Mercury the messenger enters Virgo and your solar twelfth house. As you open a door in search of a place to relieve yourself, you discover a viewing room where sit your many associates. They're watching what seems at first glance to be the miniseries except you discover it's been dramatically changed and re-edited. What it involves is perverted sexual acts with small animals, sea creatures and a variety of persons clad in rubber while you, the star, stroll the countryside chanting an odious ditty, dubbed in a barbaric foreign tongue.
You've been cheated! You've been betrayed! This is not your story! Great gods alive and dead, rulers of the buttocks! You're in a porn flick! Where is the grand and tragic saga of your heroically colourful life? Click here next month to see if anyone can spot the difference. Bye! Bye! Nasty scales types!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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