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Greetings, oh rulers of the buttocks and keepers of the sacred scales! I'll bet that no one's ever told you before that astrology has given the backside into your tender care. Though of course you don't get the anus. That little orifice goes to the shadowy scorpion, as if anyone would be surprised. So there you are, having sovereignty over the buttocks and sundry other matters beginning with the letter 'b'. These include boudoirs, boutiques, bedrooms, beauty parlours and beauticians, while Venus the goddess, your ruler, reigns over brides, bridegrooms, bribery, bracelets, brooches and brothels.
As you can see, most of these are part of a cycle of useless decadence that has no real place in a working world (except bribery and brothels perhaps). But there you are! That's you all over, isn't it! Anyway, last month we left you in Venice, trying to cadge money from the Italian government through the offices of your new partner (she/he being the progeny of a cabinet minister) for a movie about your fabulous life. Meanwhile, back in your own country, a dark coterie of disgruntled investors have sworn to bring about your death while a bevy of ex-partners (no more in number than the population of a small town) have begun a website support group to console one another over the loss of you. It has the rest of us wondering, but no doubt it's satisfying for them in a pathetic and demented way. Add to this the pressures of running your own website/institution that teaches people the easy road to wealth and wondering if your new partner is really as much of a soulmate as you felt he/she was at first. Of course you won't make any decisions on this until the money for the film comes through.
Venus the goddess is in Aries and your solar seventh house, harmonizing with sober Saturn as the month begins so new partnerships (or old ones renewed) will still be your best option for funds. When Mercury the messenger moves into Gemini on May 6th, followed by the FULL MOON in Scorpio and your solar second house the next day, you'll come up trumps. You'll get your film money and sell off the school of easy wealth to your first group of graduate students (thus providing them with a valuable lesson on taking people at face value when it collapses three weeks later). You might also successfully sue (Saturn & Jupiter in your solar ninth house) for a share of the profits from the support group website at home. With the great Sol Invicti in Taurus and your solar eighth house, you'll probably come up with enough cash to pay your debts, soothing the ire of those who've sworn to kill you back at home.
When mighty Mars turns retrograde (reverse motion) in Sagittarius and your solar third house on May 12th, the tide will turn also. You'll provoke a blazing row with your partner and then tell her you don't love her anymore because she's too bad-tempered. This is just the kind of dramatic scene you love to play. You thus break her heart (she immediately posts her details on the website) and incur the wrath of her entire family. Things become very sticky indeed and men in gondolas and carrying guns are seen in the canal outside your once happy home.
Thus, you decide to return to your native land. You're tired of Italian food by now and, besides, one of the many photos of your ex-partners on the website made you wonder if you did the right thing in leaving her/him in the first place. When the great Sol Invicti moves into Gemini and your solar ninth house on May 21st, there'll be a tearful farewell with the cabinet minister's son/daughter while members of her family and various minor government officials swear a pact to hunt you down and kill you. Have you ever noticed how life just seems to repeat itself with you? We have. When the NEW MOON comes in Gemini and your solar ninth house on May 23rd, you might start canvassing publishers to see if you can get someone interested in your autobiography. There could be film rights as well. It might be a good idea to check the website see which ex-partner was involved with film and television production. Maybe it would best as a miniseries anyway. That's pretty much how the rest of us see your life, oh rulers of the buttocks!
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 Aries, the Ram
 Taurus, the Bull
 Gemini, the Twins
 Cancer, the Crab
 Leo, the Lion
 Virgo, the Virgin
 Libra, the Scales
 Scorpio, the Scorpion
 Sagittarius, the Archer
 Capricorn, the Sea Goat
 Aquarius, the Water Bearer
 Pisces, the Fishes
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