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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of October 2003    Go Forward
    Hooray to you, odious persons of the Scales persuasion! How are your balanced buttocks and the stylish pants you keep them in? Not riding up too much, I trust! Are you still wearing that silly facial expression you think makes you look like the smiling Buddha, but actually just makes you look like an idiot? I thought so! God spare me further truck with you tiresome frumps and fops! At least, this is what I pray for, but every month, the inevitable comes around.

    Ah well! If I must suffer then so must you! Here we stand, cretinous Scales types! At the doorway of the vile and bitter prognostications for ominous October! Enter if you dare.

    As the great Sol Invicti clashes with sober Saturn and cranky Chiron, you stand aghast as the discs containing the first draft of your film script drop from your nerveless fingers. Your new comrades rise against you, jeering loudly. You sweat in your leather shoes! You make nervous knots with your woollen tie. You mop your fevered brow with your silk scarf. You then flee homewards, falling on your bed weeping, engulfed in nightmare visions of an unhappy childhood where you were harassed by conservative parents who didn't understand you. Of course, these weren't actually your parents, nor was it your childhood, but you love indulging in the fantasy of it and may write a miniseries about it one day so it's good to keep in practice.

    But what's this, odious Scales creatures? Mercury the messenger moves into your sign and you realize what has occurred. You stood in front of a group of animal liberationists, wearing garments made from animal products! No wonder they jeered! And all the time you thought it was you they disliked! Which of course it was really but we'll pass over that for the moment.

    Venus the goddess moves into Scorpio, so you go out and buy sex to calm you down. The Full Moon comes in idiot Aries and you decide to go back to your comrades and start again. You begin with a laboured story that you wore the clothes as a statement to challenge and provoke and upset, which is exactly what you want the film to do. In the end, they agree to give you a second chance. It's not so much that they believe you rather that they simply can't bear to listen to your wittering self-justifications for one moment longer and thus give in.

    Script development proceeds apace! However, Venus the goddess clashes with nasty Neptune and you're approached by the company that made the porn flick to see if you want to make another one. The world awaits you (and the cute little animals and fish) with baited breath apparently and money is no object. At first, you're disgusted! Then you start to see the other side of the story! So, you begin to weigh each side up. That's a process that can go on for days in your life.

    In this instance, you arrive at the New Moon in corrupt Scorpio, opting for the money, but prepared to play a dangerous double game to get it. You'll do both, but if the animal lovers find out! Sober Saturn turns retrograde and, as Capricorns across the globe look gloomier than usual, you find yourself back at the studio and hard at work. By the time that Mercury the messenger clashes with nasty Neptune, money rolls into the bank as fast as the lies roll off your tongue. It's a case of trick and treat this Halloween, irksome creatures of the Scales persuasion! But will the devils that walk abroad on All Hallows Eve catch you out in your double-dealing? Click here next month and see!

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