Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Hola to you, cretinous Scales type things! How are your shapely bottoms and your stylish garments? Are your loins girded for the trepidations of the coming time? We shall see! You may feel confident now, but how will matters stand at the end of this round of the vile and bitter prognostications? Stand aghast, lowly types! Your future is a long trail of heartache and sorrow.
Great gods alive and dead, what's this? Vamping Venus and nasty Neptune begin the year, unwholesomely conjoined in idiot Aquarius and your solar fifth house. Thus, it will be parties, decadence and illegitimate children by the score. Mad creative projects will obsess you in the wee small hours but will come to nothing at dawn as you wake to find your brain as empty as usual. With marauding Mars in arrogant Aries and your solar seventh house, you'll have tempestuous sexual relationships that will end in screaming rows. These will see you running from the room in search of a tissue pack, so you don't weep your crocodile tears over that nice new outfit you bought yourself for Christmas. Actually, you had to buy it for yourself as nobody likes you enough to give you presents. But, since there's two of you (one for each Scale), you can spend many a happy hour talking to yourself as though someone else is there. The frightening truth is that there may be, but we shan't go down that road, as I'm feeling frail at the moment.
Anyway, to continue the tale, after you've run from the room, you go straight home to moan to parents or family, only to find that they've changed the locks because they hate you, like everyone else. This is something to do with lugubrious Saturn in Cancer and your solar tenth house, if you're interested. Thus you decide never to see anyone you're related to by blood ever again and determine you'll start a new life. You rent an apartment and, with jolly Jupiter in Virgo and your solar twelfth house, you sit there whining and complaining about how miserable family life was and inventing nine kinds of nonsense about being mistreated. You fantasize about going to court and suing your parents for having you, even though such a task should rightly fall to someone else. Anyone else, in fact!
However, when jolly Jupiter enters your sign, you forget about this drivel, win the lottery or go on an overseas junket to learn about fashion and beauty parlours in China or Tibet or Japan. God, I'm bored! I think I'll have to stop. Oh, by the way, before I forget! With mischievous Mercury retrograde in nitwit Sagittarius and your solar third house, you may have minor traffic accidents or language difficulties at a foreign airport whilst travelling overseas. Gods, that really is enough! By my little Brown bottle, it is! Farewell, Scales types!
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