Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, little scales persons, keepers of the sacred buttocks! There'll be no sitting on those precious backsides of yours this month, as life calls you to greater matters than dress sense and the drama of interpersonal relationships.
What's this I hear you cry? There is no greater drama than that of who's with whom, who's up whom, who's no longer with whom and now up someone else and who's no longer with whom, but still up whom (and what they're all wearing), et cetera et cetera ad nauseam. But then you think again and what's this I hear you cry? There is no greater drama than that of dress sense! How could anyone possibly wear those red Doc Martins with orange hair tints and that chartreuse silk scarf! Oh god it's the end of the world!
Now you may conceivably spend the next hours (or days) wondering whether relationships or fashion constitute the stuff of the greatest drama of life, oscillating from one point of view to the other like the neurotically indecisive creature you are. Just remember that such behaviour is utterly indistinguishable from your normal pattern and that is why the rest of us cross the street when we see you coming and never go to your parties. The thought of yet another conversation about what people are wearing and who they're with is about as inviting as a stretch in an isolation ward with a mysterious wasting disease caught through sexual intercourse with a person from some third world country. And no, I don't want to discuss what they were wearing at the time!
Anyway, I'm not writing this simply to defame you. I am here to prognosticate upon your miserable future and futile ambitions as well as comment on your decadent and utterly worthless nature. Personally, I should condemn each and every miserable little scales person to an eternity as a character in some ridiculous comedy of manners written by Oscar Wilde. There you could drivel on to your heart's content about persons named Earnest or Cecily and silver cigarette cases. However, you may enjoy this far too much, so I shall have to think of a more suitable hell for you to dwell in. Aha! I have it! I'll predict your future!
After severe money troubles (yet again) at the beginning of July, the FULL MOON falls in Capricorn and your solar fourth house, bringing a lunar eclipse. An elderly relative on your mother's side that you haven't seen for years and never liked anyway, dies, as if that was important, except that you're told you have to go to the funeral. There, with Venus the goddess moving through Gemini and your solar ninth house, you fall passionately in love with a fellow mourner. Fortunately, she/he is a distant relative (not that this has stopped you in the past) and the attraction is mutual. You decide to move in together straight away and she/he asks if you will work side by side in the family business. Since your passion knows no bounds, you consent. As giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens and Mercury the messenger conjoin and move into Cancer and your solar tenth house, you find that you're to be managing a chain of grocery stores with the new love of your life. Groceries! That's the sort of thing you send the servants out to buy! In addition to this, you find you have to wear an appalling uniform and speak to people about what they want to buy rather than about your own incredible life!
With Venus the goddess conjoining with Saturn, lord of fateful reward, your first day is a nightmare. That's until you spy the young girl/guy who works behind the meat counter. Then it's love at first sight for the second time this month as Lady Moon conjoins with Venus the goddess and opposes underworld Pluto. When mighty Mars turns direct in opposition to Venus the goddess, quick as a flash you nick some money from the till and you and the new love of your life head to warmer climes and away from the groceries, leaving yet another bereft lover in your wake.
When the NEW MOON comes in Cancer and your solar tenth house on July 20th, you join a hippie colony of artists and drug-takers. With the great Sol Invicti moving into Leo and your solar eleventh house on July 22nd, you make a raft of new friends, all as vapid and self-interested as you are. Then when Mercury the messenger moves into Leo on July 30th as the great Sol Invicti opposes mystic Neptune, you begin writing a miniseries based on your incarceration in the grocery store prison camp and fall in love with someone else.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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