Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Are you bored with your lives, little keepers of the sacred buttocks? Are you tired of sitting on the same old twin set? Are you tired of the partner dance, the fashion stakes and the demandingly decadent lifestyle your ridiculous sign forces you to lead? I certainly am. We all are in fact. All of the eleven other signs dread the prospect of meeting you in a shopping mall or coming around a corner and we flee screaming from the threat of yet another tedious conversations about who's with whom and what they're wearing that doesn't suit them.
Are you bored and disgusted with the dreary passage of your sexual and financial misadventures? Perhaps I'll change all of these things for you by writing a new adventure to give focus to your otherwise aimless and pointless existence. Perhaps I'll predict a bold new life where you rise to new heights, cross daring frontiers and perform good works on behalf of a suffering humanity. On second thoughts, I couldn't think of anything more tedious or less likely so we'll simply continue with the customary vile and bitter prognostications that you've become used to and I can't escape.
Awful August begins with sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward in Gemini and your solar ninth house wrestling with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar third house. As you expend the precious juices of life and body in the libidinous freedom of your newfound colony of asinine artists and hideous hippies, legal strife simmers in the city in the matter of the life you left behind. The dogs of law are about to be released on your over-valued (by yourself only) personage. Little did you know, tiny scales persons, that grocers and the grocery business in general is neither to sneezed at nor walked away from in a state of gay abandon (this is not a gender preference reference) as you yourself have recently done. The purveyors of packaged foodstuffs are sending the minions of legal redress to seek the return of their stolen monies and the price of spurned love.
However, you're blissfully unaware of such trivia as the FULL MOON comes in Aquarius and your solar fifth house on August 4th. At this point, you take the local artistic set by storm as you give selected readings from the more prurient sections of your most recent masterwork, the miniseries of your life, mark seventy-nine. As Venus the goddess and giant Jupiter conjoin in Cancer and your solar tenth house, there are offers of interest (and drug deals) from several 'feral' film directors. While both Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti wrestle with revolutionary Uranus, you spend an unsettled time rewriting your script and changing your friends and romantic partners. But with Mercury the messenger in Virgo and your solar twelfth house after August 14th, hidden circumstances start building around you, tingeing your schemes with the subtle hue of failure.
Fateful aspects accompany the NEW MOON in the sign of Leo and your solar eleventh house of friends, hopes and wishes. While you dither over the contract that might fulfill your dreams, the dogs of law prepare to pounce. As Mercury the messenger makes mayhem with underworld Pluto and sober Saturn, lord of the fateful reward, your home is invaded. Fortunately you're not there at the time (you're sleeping out that night) and catch wind of what's occurring. Quick as a flash, you're on a bus (a bus! Quelle horreur!), heading for the farthest town you can find so that you can lose yourself.
It's not until August 23rd, when the great Sol Invicti moves in Virgo and mighty Mars and Chiron conjoin that you realize you've left behind the discs with the partially completed script of your miniseries imprinted thereon. While Mercury the messenger squares Chiron and mighty Mars, you fantasize about going back to retrieve them, running the gauntlet of the law and damn the consequences! However, when the great Sol Invicti makes mischief with mystic Neptune, you decide that discretion is the better part of valour and just keep going. There's always another miniseries to write! The latest installment begins today. It's your life, 'buttocks' persons, even if it takes some cheek to point this out to you.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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