Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Salutations, little persons of the 'scales' persuasion! May your buttocks be with you, not against you! May an army of fashion consultants and beauticians attend to your every need! May your pubic hair always be correctly coiffured in preparation for sex! May your success among the witless be commensurate with your need for style at the expense of content! Actually, it's really of no account to me whether any of these things happen or not. In fact, I don't care at all how you are and nor do I care about your life, but since I'm writing this odious drivel and I'm obsessed with the correct (if somewhat venomous) protocol with regard to the greeting process, that's what you get this month. But enough of that! The game's afoot. Let us proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications as we approach the scourge of September.
Mercury the messenger moves into your own sign as the month gets underway so you'll doubtless be regaling everyone within earshot (everyone suitably well-dressed, that is) as to the manner of your pursuit and miraculous escape last month. And, with Venus the goddess in Leo and your solar eleventh house, you'll be hobnobbing and capering around with all of your ridiculous friends, re-enacting the drama for their entertainment.
However, all of this jollity and merriment will come to a sudden end when the FULL MOON comes in Pisces and your solar sixth house. A severe case of infected bunions (or some other mysterious foot problem) lays you low and puts an end to all of your lunatic caperings. You are forced to go and stay with one of your siblings, even though you detest them as much as they detest you and your ridiculous friends. Unfortunately this condition and the subsequent confinement it generates prompts you to talk even more as you constantly complain of the pain you're in without the slightest consideration given for the pain of those who have to listen to you moaning and whining. As the great Sol Invicti then wrestles with underworld Pluto and sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, you find yourself hobbling around the place or restricted to a solo performance between the sheets from the sheer incapacitation of your pedal extremities. Upsetting as this may be, there are plenty of us here who will definitely enjoy your sufferings from a distance well beyond earshot.
On September 8th, while mighty Mars moves into Capricorn and your solar fourth house, giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens, wrestles with Mercury the messenger. The legal redress that you had sought to escape now pursues you to the very door of your sibling's home, causing old family quarrels and friction to re-emerge. There will be a great deal of yelling and shouting in the domicile as you seek to hide yourself from the pursuant legal minions while the sibling and her/his partner bring up all manner of things from your decadent and reprehensible past. However, all is not lost. By mid month, Venus the goddess in Leo and your solar eleventh house opposes revolutionary Uranus in Aquarius and your solar fifth house with giant Jupiter challenging underworld Pluto. You receive a communication from some tribal film director in the commune you've just deserted. He's found the discs containing the germ (literally) of your miniseries and wants to cut a deal. You're overjoyed! You're over the Moon! You leap out of bed and immediately fall in screaming agony to the floor as you've forgotten about your feet (it can't be all good news, can it!).
Come the NEW MOON in Virgo and your solar twelfth house on September 17th, you forge a new identity for yourself so you can travel safely back to the commune to sign the deal and receive your advance. September 22nd brings the EQUINOX. As the great Sol Invicti moves into your sign, your journey to creative glory is renewed under the guise of a nom de plume and a pair of hobbling feet. However, this new identity may come with a cost. The thought of what will happen next renders me speechless. Click here next month to find out.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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