Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings for the month of odious October, O keepers of the sacred buttocks. How is everything in the world of decadent indulgence and personal tragedy in which you live? No, don't answer! I couldn't bear to listen to a word you have to say. I would far rather prognosticate to you without fear or favour and without even the tiniest suggestion of the kind of drivelling, imbecilic responses of which you're all too capable.
So there you are, tootling up towards the commune in pursuit of a writing contract with a feral film director. You're hobbling on those diseased feet (oh, you poor thing! Yet another tragedy! How sad!), and you're also badly disguised, looking like a cross between an over-dressed fop (you're normal garb) and a refugee from the cast of extras in a Sixties movie about hippies and drug-taking. But what's this? Your journey doesn't go smoothly? Oh yikes and horrors! Just another thing for us to snigger about the next time we pass you in the street, looking the other way for fear you'll try to speak to us.
Odious October begins with Venus the goddess in Virgo and your solar twelfth house wrestling with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar third house. The obsessively garrulous members of some anti-corporate terrorist group will most likely kidnap you and hold you for ransom in some obscure small town you pass through on your journey. Fear not, little buttocks persons! Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in your own sign as the FULL MOON comes in that of your opposite, fiery Aries. The moment they take off your gag and hear you speak your fullest outrage, they'll run screaming from the secret hideaway they've chosen. Thus they pass from the corridors of your life forever, feeling suitably punished for this particular wrongdoing and, in fact, every other one of their so far miserable lives as well. And so, as Venus the goddess makes tension with sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, you continue on your way. You're a sadder scales person and indeed a poorer one as they took the last of your money, but unfortunately (yet predictably) not one whit wiser for this chastening experience. However, the worst is yet to come.
On arriving at the commune even more footsore than before, you discover the feral film director to be completely insensate after a massive drug-taking binge. You discover also that he has no memory whatsoever of you (how fortunate! I must have some of what he was having), your miniseries or the extravagant offers that he made to you. But, he does have a plentiful supply of drugs that he seems willing to share so not everything is lost. However, as you yourself lie insensate on the ground somewhere, trouble lurks. Mighty Mars the warrior clashes with the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger and the heat-seeking myrmidons that have pursued you for legal redress over the tragic grocery store affair loom into your blurred vision. Do you ever feel that you're just living the same things over and over again in some kind of strange and endless déjà vu experience? We certainly do and it's incredibly tedious for all concerned.
But what's this? A strange twist of fate! One of the myrmidons takes pity on your wretched form and, as Venus the goddess enters your sign and a NEW MOON comes in it as well, you are lifted from your besotted misery and carried away to a new life. This is a life free of debts and resonant with vows of eternal love and proposals of marriage from this mysterious new figure that has entered your still somewhat blurred vision. The great Sol Invicti enters Scorpio and your solar second house as Mercury the messenger goes direct and you find yourself in a new era of financial stability, but there are hidden threads of secret plots all around you, if only you were wise enough to see them. Oh well! When mighty Mars the warrior moves into Aquarius and your solar fifth house, it's sex, pleasure and spending. You're once again the monarch of decadence, or are you? Perhaps you're just the puppet! We will wait till next month to see, shall we, little keepers of the sacred buttocks.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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