Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, O keepers of the sacred buttocks! How goes the triumph of style over content this month? Are you satisfied with your self-inflating vanities and your pathological indecision? Of course you're not, but then how could you live if you were not in a constant state of over-dramatized frustration? What would you do if nothing ever thwarted your fatuous vanities and inane aspirations?
For god's sake don't attempt to answer or use this as an excuse to communicate with me in anyway whatsoever! I prefer my brand of abuse to be distributed evenly among the signs without fear or favour, in a 'cruel but fair' manner, as I see it. There is (quite justly, I believe) no right of reply. Nor is there even a hint that my utterances may allow the pond life (yourselves, in this instance) to engage in the kind of irritating response that the general run of puerile minds (yours, in this instance) could conceive of making. I am content (as much as one can be so in a world ruled by insane gods) with my ivory tower and the surrounding cloud of irritation. I do not require dialogue with the inane masses I am forced to address (only for want of better occupation). If having to speak of you meant that I should have to speak with you, I should resign forthwith! Ugh! We are both in our places, keepers of the sacred buttocks, mine forever above and yours somewhere in the middle (scales, remember! Do try to keep up).
Now, as to the recent events of the pathetic human cosmos, no doubt you and your imbecile friends enjoyed yourselves on the evening of October 31st in yet another round of tragically misunderstood pagan celebrations? What did you do on Halloween? Have sex with the insubstantial? Get drunk with the disembodied? Take drugs along with the spirits you imbibed? Are you recovered yet or are you still in the miasma of the post-decadent indulgence? Who cares! Enough of this drivel! Let us begin the bitter prognostications for noxious November.
The FULL MOON comes in Taurus and your solar eighth house on November 1st, luring you to the depths of debauchery and the excesses of Plutonian depravity. However, this is a journey you know well, so why should I bore myself by dwelling upon it. Suffice to say that with Venus the goddess in your sign and in disarray because of testing aspects to giant Jupiter and harmonious ones to revolutionary Uranus, you find you are at odds with the apparently benign circumstances into which you've been (unjustly, in my opinion) cast. Read last month's forecast if you don't know what I'm talking about. I have neither time nor patience to recount the details for you.
With sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward challenging powerful Pluto, you fall victim to malaise. You don't worry over your decadent excesses, nor do you question why this benefactor bestows such pleasures on you, though doubtless anyone not so dangerously self-absorbed as you would see there must be an ulterior motive. Obviously no one could be so smitten by your dress sense (yikes!) or your depth of thought (snigger!). But, as usual, the serious matters elude you. You simply fall into a depression over the most commonplace of facts. In this instance, the malaise is triggered by a revelation that your life is meaningless and going nowhere, a fact that has not so far escaped the rest of us. Though in the midst of the depravities inspired by mighty Mars conjunct nebulous Neptune, the creeping malaise of Mercury the messenger and Venus the goddess at odds with sober Saturn sinks you further into the trough of despair. The messenger and the goddess move into Scorpio and your solar second house, making mischief with Neptune and you squander other people's money on mindless and eccentric pleasures but gain no joy. The great Sol Invicti clashes with revolutionary Uranus and various human dramas too tedious for me to describe are played out before your very eyes like a Roman Circus, yet still there is no joy.
A NEW MOON comes in Scorpio and your solar second house, clashing with Uranus and hordes of your illegitimate children are sold into slavery, increasing your personal wealth a thousand fold and still you have no joy. And what's more, after a series of tedious and irritating aspects of a similar nature, every effort to entertain you fails. So, as Venus the goddess wrestles with mighty Mars and revolutionary Uranus, all of your imbecile friends (including your mysterious benefactor) bugger off and leave you because you're simply too boring. How they failed to notice this earlier eludes me entirely but then I did refer to them as imbeciles so this may be a clue if you're struggling.
As the great Sol Invicti sinks into Sagittarius (heavens, could it go any lower!) and Mercury the messenger follows suit, you slope off into the west in search of your lost joie de vivre. You have a look on your forlorn countenance that would do justice to the skills of any pathetic Pisces. Don't come back until you find a sense of purpose, little beauty parlour wastrels! That way I will have passed to a better land while you still wander in the wilds.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes