Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Avast, little wretches from the deep dark sea! Welcome to the miserable month of March. The proceedings begin with a mixture of influences that will doubtless keep you in the state of confusion to which you entirely are accustomed.
Mercury the messenger is in Aquarius and your solar twelfth house so you'll be reading fantasy stories to escape the gruesome reality of life. Then again you may communicate with spirits or the members of some esoteric cult. Or you might just be drinking to drown your sorrows and changing your mind constantly on any and every topic as you worry about the state of the world. However, as the great Sol Invicti is in your sign, you'll be making a public display of your misery and ensuring that everyone you know suffers because of your suffering.
Now, as I remember it (and curse the insane gods of this benighted universe that I do), we left you preparing to take willing students on the shamanic path into the caves of Thrace to face their worst fears. It may be interesting to consider if one among them has a worst fear that involves being trapped in a Thracian cave with you. However, if we go that road, no prognostications could be made amidst the stream of insults that would so naturally follow.
As the month begins, mighty Mars moves into Taurus and your solar third house. Thus, you have an irritable telephone conversation with a male sibling (possibly a brother but with your family, one never knows), wreck your car on the way to the cave and hitch a lift with a violent oxen-driver with a severe bronchial condition. As giant Jupiter also moves forward in Cancer and your solar fifth house, you decide to hold a pre-cave party for all of your students and get inebriated before you set out for the subterranean depths. This leads to several days of oblivion until the great Sol Invicti clashes with underworld Pluto and an upstart financial person urges you to earn some money or risk going bankrupt. So, as Venus the goddess moves into Aries and Mercury conjoins with Uranus, you get this new venture underway. As Mercury then moves into your sign while Venus clashes with giant Jupiter, you have a furious row about spiritual matters with a religious personage in the party. They accuse you of practicing witchcraft and leave.
But, by the NEW MOON in your sign, you're underground and holding forth on a multitude of matters concerning the sacred while your party moans and groans under the weight of the hangovers they still have and the volume of your foolish utterances. By the time mighty Mars squares mystic Neptune, you're so sick of their complaints (pots and kettles, little fish-faced miseries, pots and kettles) that you spike the coffee with drugs to anaesthetize them all. As the great Sol Invicti then moves into Aries and your solar second house, you set up a little business, peddling the basic requirements for substance abuse while you have these fools trapped with you underground. As Mercury the messenger clashes with Pluto and the great Sol Invicti with Jupiter, the caves are so full of wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth that everyone begins to believe you're actually giving them what they've paid for (a first).
Thus, when the FULL MOON comes in Libra and your solar eighth house, you take their credit card details for the departure tax and send them back to the surface. There they arrive, stoned, bruised, battered, deluded as to the nature of their own experience and too weak or confused to question or complain. Great Heavens, little fish-faced twits! You've turned them into you! As Mercury the messenger moves into Aries, you realize you may be onto a good thing. There's money to be made. Come back next month and see how you do.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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