Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, lords and ladies of the seven (and often somewhat more) sorrows! Have you made happy April foolishness as yet? If not, fear not! It's only a matter of time, for tragedy and mishap follow you as surely as the woebegone look is a mask for your countenance. But 'woebegone' is not the story of last month, no indeed!
Last month we had you in the caves of Thrace, dealing in substandard spiritual tours, substance abuse and economic subterfuge, all in a subterranean environment. This underground business will have roots in sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward. So what do we see when we look at the astrological influences? Why, none other than the pasha of prohibition, the colonel of constriction and the governor of the grave, Saturn himself, present in Gemini and your solar fourth house while harmonizing with nebulous Neptune. And, it is through this mystic ball of beauteous gases, currently in Aquarius and your solar twelfth house, that drugs, deception and the bogus spiritual quest enter the picture. There you have it in a nutshell. God, I'm bored now! Let us waste no more time in idle pleasantries, little fish-faced twits. Let us proceed instead to the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of awful April.
As proceedings get underway, giant Jupiter wrestles with Chiron the wounded healer while the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger wreak havoc on the pair of them. Thus, you will be feeling that you've somehow fallen away from your high ideals as you pursue the path of money and greed. And, since you're dealing in drugs and defrauding people of their money, this feeling is correct and you may drop the word 'somehow' from the previous sentence or from your own random chain of thought. But, in spite of this, Venus the goddess moves through Taurus and your solar third house, coming into tension with mystic Neptune so you continue to present yourself as a mystical guide to the caves of self-knowledge, knowing all the time that this is a betrayal of your highest truth. After all, you miserable fish-faced ninnies specialize in the undertaking of tragic journeys towards an inevitable doom so why should the current moment be any different? March on! March on, piscatorial imbeciles!. Life is a force beyond your control, is it not! And this is a truth that is entirely well demonstrated by the next occurrence. As mighty Mars wrestles with revolutionary Uranus, the cattle paths by which you and your eager tour parties find your way to the cave are destroyed by the freak detonation of a previously unexploded bomb.
Thus, the NEW MOON in Aries and your solar second house finds you a tour guide with no destination. Mercury the messenger moves into Taurus and your solar third house and you're forced to take a job in the post office, as there isn't much industry on Thrace. Then, as mighty Mars moves into Gemini and your solar fourth house, you have a fight with your partner and move into a 'house share' with a pair of twins who run the local courier service and work on their van at all hours of the day and night.
As Mercury the messenger then squares mystic Neptune, you start pilfering money, cheques and other valuables from the mail in order to save up to go home as you now hate living in Thrace. Lady Moon conjoins with giant Jupiter in Cancer, opposing Chiron the wounded healer and you get desperate communications from your parents and children back at home, pleading with you to stay where you are. You're in a quandary now but, as usual, the path of preordained tragedy you're doomed to tread takes a hand and saves you from the tiresome task of actually having to make a decision.
Venus the goddess squares revolutionary Uranus as the great Sol Invicti moves through Taurus and you're offered an unexpected promotion at the post office as a senior staff member has been sacked after being accused of pilfering from the mail. Funny that!
As Venus the goddess moves into Gemini and your solar fourth house, you begin affairs with both of the van-driving twins and settling comfortably into a ménage à trois. The FULL MOON comes in the sign of Scorpio and your solar ninth house and, despite this new and more settled pattern of your life, you begin having strange dreams about returning to the cave and meeting once again with the spirits that dwell there. What will you do, fish-faced tragedies? These are deep waters to explore for miserable nitwits such as you. Click here next month and find out.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes