Asperitus Casting Runes...
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What ho, my little fish-faced buffoons! Are you still playing the comic role in life's tragedy? Or is that the tragic role in life's comedy? It's never really clear to me which of those it is, but then it's probably not clear to you either. Great Heavens, little piscatorial ninnies! This could almost be a conversation. I had better cease immediately and proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications for awful April.
We left you last month on the verge of stunning success, uplifted from your humble and suitably tragic role as 'forlorn lover turned sex-worker' to the heights of stardom. A New Moon comes in odious Aries to start proceedings, so you will find yourself in the midst of new financial doings. You invest the money you've made from the sex industry as you're on an exorbitant salary and being groomed for stardom. Everyone says you have a certain something. I certainly agree. It's just that the nature of this 'something' could be regarded as a proper area of debate for any imbecile that wants to waste their time discussing it.
Mighty Mars and cranky Chiron conjoin in Capricorn and your solar eleventh house, ensuring a team of devoted nitwits will work tirelessly on your behalf (mainly because they're paid to). Among them is an ancient Eskimo shaman named Doris. She is a hairy woman with foul breath and body odour that could render lesser mortals catatonic. However, you form a bond with her as she takes you on a powerful inner journey to remove all of your emotional blocks. Surprising as it seems, this works! And (more surprises here) it takes place, not over several lifetimes but by mid month when a raft of unspeakably tedious configurations indicate you will be in considerable upheaval. Stripped of your misery and neurotic tendencies, you flourish in your first film role. Everyone applauds you. The film is quickly released (due to it being so wonderful) and you are an instant success. The Full Moon sees you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.
The great Sol Invicti moves into Taurus and the public loves your limpid charms. But, what's this, fish-faced miseries? Old habits die hard! Mighty Mars moves into Aquarius and you want to withdraw into your accustomed private world of unanswerable questions and infinite sadness. Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Taurus and you question the meaning of it all. You're rude to the media and strangers who approach you in the streets. You fly from the corporate lords of entertainment who want to give you unparalleled success and take up with a sailor from Venezuela and run away to sea. What will happen now, little fish-faced buffoons? Click here next month and find out.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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