Tally ho, my little yoicks! It's party time in your solar tenth house as the year gets underway. Idiot planets too tedious to name disport themselves in the silly sign of Sagittarius, turning your house of career into a bun fight! What fun there will be when the raspberry jam flows down your wounded breast as yet another barb from fiendish authority cuts you to the quick. You may fly into rages, clash mightily with brewers or surgeons, have torrid but brief sexual encounters in public buildings and fall into dispute with foreigners of status. And, all the while, you will scheme to control things on your own behalf, spend money madly and have liaisons with persons in office to gain advantage for yourself. After February, you will have religious visions, learn tarot cards or study healing by means of electrical current or brainwaves. You will dream of being an apricot tree and wish to live in Ethiopia and found a cult devoted to the consumption of stone fruit.
THE JAPES OF JOLLY JUPITER: With the giant in Libra and your solar eighth house, you will be consumed by the desire for sex or money or both. You will want to dwell in the South Pacific, living on asparagus and beans and farting in a refined manner so that no one can hear you. As Jupiter moves to Scorpio and your solar ninth house in October, you will have an angelic vision and be moved to study the celestial culture of the heavenly messengers, learning about all the nine realms of angels. You will realize this was the true source of your desire to be an apricot tree, found the Church of Angelic Teaching and waste all your money trying to convince other people to join you in your Pacific paradise. Either that or you will marry a foreign person and live abroad on a geranium plantation in Morocco where you will fritter away your days, smoking berries from the blackthorn bush, imported at great expense from Norway. You will make scathing remarks on political or religious matters and may write a book about your fascinating life.
THE SOBRIETY OF SATURN: With the grim one in Cancer and your solar fifth house, you will tell everyone what to do, fight with children and family members about control and take an interest in domestic architecture or join the armed services because you don't like anyone in your family. As Saturn then moves to Leo and your solar sixth house, you will go into business as an artist, suffer back pain and sit for long periods, pretending to work. You may be asked to paint a mural in Rome or Madrid or Portsmouth. You may purchase a citrus farm so you can throw oranges at people to keep them away. From the end of October, vehicles and appliances will break down constantly and no one will speak to you without swearing or yelling. As you now converse with angels from the eighth and ninth levels of Heaven, you will ignore all of this and change your name to Cherub or Seraph.