Asperitus Casting Runes...
Salutations, little fish-faced ninnies! Lie back, close your eyes and prepare for the monthly dose of vile and bitters! No gin here! Only prognostications!
Last month we left you in mid-tragedy, the constant of your life, with sponging parents and embittered old friends hurling things in your direction as fair weather new friends deserted you. Thus, as vamping Venus clashes with underworld Pluto while cranky Chiron meets mischievous Mercury meet in your solar eleventh house, you feel bereft and abandoned, despite that fact that the money rolls in.
Come the Full Moon in fatuous Leo, you seek the services of counsellors and healers for you fear you may be going mad. Since sanity is a necessary precursor to the onset of madness, the wise here in Heaven know there is no real danger. Vamping Venus enters arrogant Aries and you go on a wild spending spree to salve your spiritual wounds. It does no good. Marauding Mars harmonizes with miserable Saturn and you purchase a heavily armoured vehicle and decide to drive it through the houses of all the friends who deserted you.
Come the New Moon in your own wretched sign, conjoined with idiot Uranus, you do just that, making good use of the firepower that comes with this juggernaut. However, as marauding Mars conjoins the Lunar Nodes and clashes with nasty Neptune, you’re arrested for causing affray (since your aim was too poor to actually kill anyone, due solely to inebriation) and carted off to prison. There, you’re left to consider your woes which, if anything, are worse now, a development that seemed unlikely several days ago. But, after all, this is your specialty! Making a bad situation worse!
But all is not lost, my little fish-faced miseries! In fact, it’s all about to turn out well. You find that you’ve been banged up with a spiritual teacher, arrested for fraud. This is not uncommon, I’m afraid to say. So many claim to be masters! So few have mastered anything but the claim. This is the bitter truth.
Anyway, back to your tale. She/he offers to teach you the discipline of yoga to while away the long days in stir. In particular, she/he will reveal the mysteries of the headstand. Just as I predicted in your annual forecast, you will note! And so, we leave you, incarcerated but about to discover one of the ancient arts of mystic Asia and on the verge of unparalleled fame and fortune. Is that sufficient enticement for you to return and read next month’s drivel? We shall see! Ta! Ta!