Asperitus Casting Runes...
Hola and hooray, nitwit fish-faces! Welcome to the month of manic May! Last month, you fled the ruins of your grand temple of the headstand and found instead the holy sanctuary of the forest, eschewing the crass bulwarks erected by the horny hand of Man for sweeping lines of tree and leaf shaped by the gentle hands of Mother Nature. Thus we left you in bucolic bliss, permanently (it seems) seeing the world through inverted eyes.
Will this bliss last? Why, let us find out! And how do we do that, my little fish-faced miseries? Why by prognosticating (of course) in the customary vile and bitter manner. Mischievous Mercury turns direct and you begin to sing, expressing the simple transport of your delight at the arboreal awakening that has entered your life, bringing sunny climes where once there was only shadow and darkness.
A Full Moon comes in odious Scorpio, bringing a Lunar Eclipse to your solar ninth house. Thus you put aside all the other faiths and religions you’ve tried (and that’s nearly every one that’s going) and determine to cleave only to the bosom of Mother Nature. Here is your god (the great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune) and teacher (jolly Jupiter moves forward). Marauding Mars moves into neurotic Cancer and you begin dancing in a strangely beautiful but ungainly manner. As you’re standing on your head, this means you are simply waving your legs about in the air, which aforementioned fact accounts for the ungainly aspect. Underlings and acolytes gather at your feet (at your head really) as vamping Venus turns retrograde in idiot Gemini and your solar tenth house. They begin to interpret your graceful but peculiar leg motions as a form of symbolic communication, bringing messages from another realm (this last is certainly true).
Come the New Moon in cloddish Taurus, you yourself come to believe that this is so and mistake your sinuous gyrations for spiritual enlightenment. You decide that you are indeed the medium for great spiritual enlightenment, standing upside down in the middle of a forest, waving your legs in the air. After all, it is a benighted universe ruled by insane gods and strange are it’s ways! Even the teacher who taught you the art of the headstand comes to sit at your feet (or head if you prefer), begging your forgiveness and acknowledging that truly you are a master like no other.
All of this is due to a raft of benign cosmic aspects that favour you but, fortunately, they will not last. I’m feeling unwell now and must take my medication and rest. Kindly don’t disturb me until next month! Ta! Ta!