Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, sad and tragic fish-faced persons! Are the voices telling you to kill again? If so, kindly remove your damp little selves from my immediate vicinity until these darker urges pass. However, if you can hover around the persons of cretinous politicians, garrulous film stars and annoying super models, perhaps we could look forward to the notion of a job well done for the first time in your pathetic and largely pointless existence.
On second thoughts, I doubt that such a thing would ever occur. No! Don't ask me to step back from my position through compromise or apology! Don't come to me with that soppy damp look and that pusillanimous manner! You'll get no false sympathy from this quarter, little fishy things! You will only get the utterances of the oracle of bitter truth and I, Asperitus the master, am that oracle. I am the constant of carping (that's a fish pun) that echoes in your damp little ears. I am here to tell you that your lives are every bit as sad, tragic and futile as you imagine them to be in the most depressing of your dreams and the worst of your nightmares. Enough of this foolishness! Let's get down to business, the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of odious October.
Last month, as I recall (I couldn't find a drug strong enough to blot the memory out), you were taken into the arms of a mysterious, ministering angel in a time of crisis. And yet, there was a sneaking feeling of mistrust among the ministrations. As odious October begins, Venus the goddess in Virgo and your solar seventh house makes mischief with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar tenth house, showing an obsessive relationship with a stranger of commanding personal magnetism and a high professional profile.
As the FULL MOON comes in Aries and your solar second house and Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Libra, you're showered sweet nothings in the ear and gifts of such extravagance that you no longer understand what's going on. Actually, on further consideration, there's a good argument to support the idea that you've never understood what's going on. That's half your mystique, is it not? Regardless of such trivialities, as Venus the goddess then squares sober Saturn, you find yourself once again a prisoner in your own home, even though this time you're a prisoner of obsessive love.
After several days of complex astrological aspects too tedious to recount, the mystery is revealed and so is the attentive stranger. She/he proves to be none other than your supervising officer from the department of social welfare. She/he explains that along with all the other out-sourcing being done by government departments these days, they're also out-sourcing sexual liaisons. If you consent to be the 'out-source' (ridiculous really as you already have consented, many times), she/he promises to help with your situation and career. But the vein of power and deception runs even deeper than this. She/he makes you party to the secret gossip at the office, arming you with scandal and rumour that could break the careers of the mighty. This occurs as the great Sol Invicti conjoins with Mercury and they both challenge Mars the warrior.
As the NEW MOON comes in Libra and Venus the goddess enters that sign an extraordinary proposition is made. If you agree to act as a sexual 'out-source' for other high-ranking members of the department, your supervisor will use you to gather even more dirt for a departmental shakeup. Think of it, little fish-faced tragedies! You could be the Mata Hari of the welfare scene. What an opportunity! You may even come to a sad and tragic end before a French firing squad, as did this infamous spy. You agree instantly, especially with a budget for entertainment that will allow you to buy alcohol, stimulants and hallucinogenics of the highest quality. 'All part of the plot,' confides your supervisor. With Mercury going forward again and the great Sol Invicti moving into Scorpio and your solar tenth house, a quick stint at the local 'spy school' sees you fit and ready to go undercover just as mighty Mars the warrior moves into Aquarius and your solar twelfth house.
What could be more appropriate than this, little finny ones? Swim this way next month and see how you get on in the mysterious world of sexual espionage. Probably quite well, I expect.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes