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  The Jaded Japes of June 2008 Â

As lunatic Uranus gropes the ghastly body of grim Saturn in noxious November, you will run away from people you're close to, as they keep lecturing you or telling you what to do. You flout your responsibilities with others for the sake of your enjoyment, talking and moving with unnerving eccentricity, possibly due to electrocution by faulty wiring or equipment.

You will be inspired to do wonderful things, only to be discouraged by depressing advisers who point out all the difficulties you will face, so you start a relationship with a controlling partner who will criticise your every effort. Persons elderly or infirm will run your life.

You will found a new religious order that involves people leaping or twitching until they fall exhausted in a religious transport. No one will join it, but you'll continue to leap or twitch anyway. You'll keep thinking of interesting things, but then forget them.

TIPS FOR JADED JUNE:

You have too many visitors, electronic devices are faulty and purchases you make for the home won't arrive in time for a big party you're organizing, so you cancel it and go to the seaside. However, you'll be called back to deal with a career emergency (like getting a job) or you'll argue with a foreign official while travelling overseas, right on the Full Moon in silly Sagittarius.

As vamping Venus and the great Sol Invicti slip into slimy Cancer, you'll hold the party at last but, as marauding Mars rams the rude bit into narcotic Neptune, you'll over-indulge and fall asleep weeping about your tragic life. People will ignore you except for an elderly parent who'll send you to bed early. Toodle pip!

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