Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, little spook loving, fishface tragedies! How did Halloween treat your shallow and fearful selves? Were you aghast at the harrowing presence of garish ghouls or were you perhaps garroted by gabbling goblins (wishful thinking on my part no doubt)? Were you poked by pixies, or savaged by shades of the dead? Were you perhaps stroked by sensual succubi or irked by irritating incubi? Or were you perhaps reduced to a state of severe dampness of the undergarments by the onset of an army of zombies? Or did this descending hordes of the congenitally soulless actually turn out to be a gaggle of visiting relatives by marriage with their hideous children in tow (the great Sol Invicti in your solar ninth house trining giant Jupiter in Cancer in your solar fifth house).
If Halloween drove you hard, then weep and tremble, little disposable napkins of the fish-faced variety! If the horrors of this pagan rite overwhelmed you, then there's no hope for the future as you ain't seen nothin' yet! Prepare for the vile and bitter prognostications of the master of malice and the doyen of drivelling cynicism. I am a dose of the foul medicine that all must take! I am Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth.
A shattering FULL MOON comes in the sign of Taurus and your solar third house on November 1st, with both Lady Moon and the great Sol Invicti clashing with mystic Neptune and mighty Mars in Aquarius and your solar twelfth house. The horrors of such a ghastly astrological aspect leave you riddled with fear as you endure the assaults of angry apparitions and a raft of anguished nightmares that could be said to be almost as awful as your real life. And, as sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, and underworld Pluto wrestle in the Heavens, you find yourself in a state of sweating anguish in regard to your upcoming ordeal as a secret agent in an out-sourced sexual liaison in the poisonous bureaucracy of the social welfare department. Of course, you haven't actually done anything yet, secret or otherwise. It's the anguish of anticipation that gets to you as usual. And, as mighty Mars conjoins with nebulous Neptune in your solar twelfth house, you imagine yourself to be under attack from a raft of secret enemies. Thus, a bundle of nerves, you fall over your own feet as a natural precursor to the marvellously inventive self-undoing that will follow as a consequence of you being you. However, this is also where you generally become obsessed with the feeling of being caught in a web, woven by some cruel deity into a fateful net from which you cannot escape.
Oh well! It's business as usual then! You step ahead, your body moving like an automaton, entering the subtle world of administrative intrigue and espionage. As Mercury the messenger and Venus the goddess move into Scorpio and your solar ninth house, heading for some tension with nebulous Neptune, you adopt the guise of a visiting academic from a foreign clime as a cloak for your nefarious activities. This gives you the opportunity to dress in that decadent clothing you like and speak in a ridiculous accent you believe to be irresistibly fascinating to members of the opposite sex. As the great Sol Invicti clashes with revolutionary Uranus, your secret identity is almost revealed as you meet another visiting academic who is in fact from the very country you claim for your origins. However, you expertly escape exposure by feigning both drunkenness and stupidity, a ruse for which you have a remarkable natural aptitude.
By the NEW MOON in Scorpio and your solar ninth house, one that makes mayhem with revolutionary Uranus, you are so immersed in your new character that you stand in danger of losing yourself in the mask of subterfuge. While barely able to describe my joy at such a prospect, I must force myself to continue with this tragic tale.
Mercury the messenger clashes with both mighty Mars and revolutionary Uranus while you navigate the wild climes of verbal jousting that are the stuff of departmental rivalries. When Venus the goddess enters the picture, you find yourself knee deep in secret sexual liaisons and revealing bedroom talk. With giant Jupiter in your solar fifth house in tension with underworld Pluto in your solar tenth house, you are hell bent on sexual congress with the powerful.
However, as you're also out of your mind on drugs and drink, you forget to correctly note who said what about whom. Thus, as the great Sol Invicti moves into the sign of Sagittarius and your superior calls you in to deliver your report, you find you have nothing to say unless you make up lies or half truths, loosely based on your befuddled recollections. Oh well, why not? It's how you generally solve your problems! See you next month, little fish faces! That's if you have the stomach for any more of this drivel. I'm not entirely sure that I do, but we'll see.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes