Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, insipid nonentities! And how are you this month, you addictive and dependent tragedies of the Zodiac? As well as can be expected, I should say, given your generally appalling circumstances, your abominable attitudes and the largely woeful fate awaiting anyone of your sign.
Good! All is as it should be in this godforsaken world. But, hark to this, little fish-faces! Change lurks on the path ahead in the month of deleterious December and that change will be right at the core of little you! While your normal lot is one of fear, confusion, deceit, foolish romanticism and a general inability to cope with the realities of life, all in a mixture of equal portions, this month will be different.
This month, mighty Mars takes a hand in your affairs. Deleterious December begins with the shock of a raucous FULL MOON in Gemini and your solar fourth house, shaking up your emotional life and also matters of work and profession as Lady Moon makes tension with the great Sol Invicti in Sagittarius and your solar tenth house. You decide you've had enough of the undercover business and flee to an aged relative for advice and shelter (the Moon's conjunction with sober Saturn). However as all of your family hate you and feel that you complain to much there's little solace to be found there.
As Venus the goddess moves into Sagittarius, the superior you answer to in your newfound profession of espionage begins to put pressure on you to come up with something better than the drivel you delivered last month. What good fortune I'm in a profession where drivel is expected and duly delivered each month! But back to your story, fish-faces! As Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti meet and then conjoin with underworld Pluto, change takes place in the form of a bureaucratic eruption that displaces your old boss and gives you a new one. Someone has discovered the scheme and schemed effectively against the schemer. Now, you're under the additional pressure of revealing what you told your old boss before she/he was replaced and no one will believe you can't remember (they obviously don't know you well enough).
But despite the change and the increased pressure, it's now that you come into your own, neurotic ones! Mighty Mars moves into your sign, filling you with belligerent aggression. As Venus the goddess opposes sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, you tell the powers that be to sod off and threaten to return with firearms if they don't leave you alone. Then, when Chiron the wounded healer moving into the sign of Capricorn and your solar eleventh house while giant Jupiter still sojourns in Cancer, you decide to set out on a quest for shamanic healing and rid yourself of your wicked ways and mindless fears.
The NEW MOON in Sagittarius and your solar tenth house brings a solar eclipse as Venus the goddess conjoins with underworld Pluto. Thus, you set off for far climes to find yourself. You travel to the Mediterranean where you meet a Thracian shepherd who takes people on caving expeditions to get in touch with their spirit. You descend into the depths of a Thracian cave with a group of ill-assorted retirees, invalids and life casualties all doing much the same as you (a revealing fact in itself).
As mighty Mars wrestles with underworld Pluto in the Heavens, you wrestle with your fears and phobias in the bowels of the earth. Suddenly you see before you a monster with the horns of a bull. Instead of panicking and screaming a lot (as you normally would), you utter an ear-splitting scream and attack the beast, attack being the best means of defense. But, in doing so, you suddenly find that you're overcome with lust as your intended assault drowns in a sea of sexual delight. Great Heavens, little fish-faces! What's happening? Come back next month and see.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes