Asperitus Casting Runes...
Hola and hooray to you, addlepate Archers! We left you last month at the castle battlements as an angry crowd gathered to take vengeance on the fearsome creature haunting the countryside, a vampire, a vampire that is in all probability you, little centaur nitwits. Flying aloft and preying on the blood of the living! That's what you've become in this eldritch guise you've adopted. Why, you could almost be a Scorpion, couldn't you!
You live now in the castle you inherited in a forgotten European principality, courtesy of a deceased relative who looked more alive than dead at the time you stood at his coffin. It's been a nightmare since then, hasn't it, little aimless galoots! You cast a glance at the living fury of the crowd and the ancient weapons of mass destruction set to pound the stone walls that protect you. You look back towards the drug addicted blacksmith and the bad-tempered surgeon, your pitiful support for the upcoming struggle and decide there and then that this is one of the dullest and weirdest online games you've ever played to kill time at work.
Just as you try to switch off and get back to what you're supposed to be doing, the insane gods that rule this benighted universe catch you out. Venus the goddess clashes with underworld Pluto and the neatly dressed office manager (you know, the one who's dying to get rid of you) arrives in time to see the dying imagery of vampires and forgotten Europe. Of course you get the sack! And, of course, this causes rows at home. All this is due to a raft of tedious aspects from a gaggle of unseemly planets.
Suffice to say that come the Full Moon in wretched Pisces, you're sulking in your room after fighting with everyone. And, as you're never wrong, the rest of the world has taken umbrage over your supercilious swaggering and your exaggerated view of your worth. However, by the time that lugubrious Saturn clashes with Chiron the wounded healer, you discover being kicked out of your job also means you don't have any money, a development you've always regarded as completely unfair. However, idiot Uranus moves back to eccentric Aquarius as Venus the goddess moves into Libra and so you start going out with friends and lying about how wonderful everything is.
As Mercury the messenger goes direct, you run into someone from the job you recently lost. They tell you that the only reason the office manager hated you so much was because they actually fancied you but you never noticed. You're intrigued by this and arrange a group outing that includes the unrequited one.
But, as the great Sol Invicti moves into Libra, bringing a New Moon in that odious sign, when you go out, you end up attracted to the office manager's best friend which makes the atmosphere very nasty indeed. You go home drunk, row with your family (Mars in Pisces now direct) and decide to move out. But, to do that you'll need a job. So, the very next day (Mercury the messenger squaring underworld Pluto), you ring the office manager and offer to go out if you can have your old job back.
For some inexplicable reason, the phone is slammed down in your ear and you end up with a lawsuit for sexual harassment. Perhaps you should go back to the castle, little imbecile Archers. It may be easier than your real life. Ta! Ta!
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes