Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Contumely creatures! Contumacious cretins! Hail to you, centaur atrocities! Abase yourselves as you prepare for my vile and bitter prognostications for dreadful December, for I am Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth! They're late, I know! But time is my servant, not my master! Out of pity only, I'll fill you in on what you've missed!
Mischievous Mercury rolled into miserable Capricorn, causing you to worry a great deal about money. This was followed by vamping Venus clashing with lugubrious Saturn where creditors and past lovers pursued you for outstanding monies. And, having found you and collected their dues at the Full Moon in idiot Gemini and your solar seventh house, each one determinedly gave you a piece of their minds. This may or may not have been helpful, given that you often seem to be one brick short of a load in that department yourselves.
As these nasty aspects are followed by yet more nasty aspects (involving the great Sol Invicti, underworld Pluto and jolly Jupiter), things become dire, little idiot creatures! Past employers join the fray, pressing claims for monies owed and services incomplete. Great gods alive and dead, has your legendary luck deserted you?
Marauding Mars moves into Aries and you throw the last of your dwindling funds into gambling and speculative ventures, in the vain hope of financial recovery, but miserable Mercury turns retrograde, bringing depressing news from credit agencies unhappy with your current performance. Vamping Venus rolls into Aquarius and you suddenly make a new friend (hooray) at the clinic where you're being treated for a nervous condition (did I mention that before?). As you're holding forth long and loud about your troubles, this person (now your friend) asks if you want a job to help you out. It seems an extreme measure, but as the great Sol Invicti enters Capricorn, bringing a New Moon shrouded with the odious gloom of that miserable sign, you agree though the aforementioned work can't start till the New Year. And, of course, you're secretly hoping that your fortunes will change before you're pushed to such a dire extremity as having a job.
Sadly and alas, the worst is yet to come. As you're doing last minute Christmas shopping, you find your credit card is suspended, leading to several unholy rows and a season in which the tidings are somewhat less than glad. As idiot Uranus returns to tear-stained Pisces and mischievous Mercury re-enters Sagittarius, you end by having a Christmas dinner several days late in a shelter for homeless folk while you complain of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune to all and sundry!
Marauding Mars clashes with lugubrious Saturn and the bills from your recent, fruitless speculations come home to roost like ugly chickens. But, what's this! Merciful Heavens, no! Vamping Venus conjoins with nasty Neptune in your solar third house and your fortunes change! By my little brown bottle, I can hardly bear to contemplate it, let alone speak of it! Click here next month and I'll see if I can steel myself to give you this undeserved good news! Until then, roll on anaesthesia in the hope that old acquaintance may this year be forgot! See you, little centaur twerps!
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 Aries, the Ram
 Taurus, the Bull
 Gemini, the Twins
 Cancer, the Crab
 Leo, the Lion
 Virgo, the Virgin
 Libra, the Scales
 Scorpio, the Scorpion
 Sagittarius, the Archer
 Capricorn, the Sea Goat
 Aquarius, the Water Bearer
 Pisces, the Fishes
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