Asperitus Casting Runes...
Salutations, centaur nitwits! Let us stride on together and fly into the very maw (and an ugly one it is too) of the vile and bitter prognostications for the coming year.
Proceedings get underway with mischievous Mercury in your own unspeakable sign, so you'll spend your time banging into the furniture, denting the panel work on your car and talking yourself in circles so that all neither know nor care what you're talking about. It may be hard for some to detect the difference between this and the general run of your behaviour. With jolly Jupiter in loathsome Virgo, you may well try to put your working life in order by writing long and tedious letters to your superiors about how unfairly you've been treated in the past. You may also try to negotiate a better working contract. Some of you may actually try doing some work! Yikes and double yikes! I doubt that many of you will be pushed to these extremes.
With vamping Venus and nasty Neptune conjoined in Aquarius and your solar third house of communications, your year will be varied. You may meet the love of your life through a Swedish chat room but then lose interest. You may have a brief sexual liaison through a chance encounter at a bus stop. You may also eat sweets while driving so as to prevent attacks of road rage. With idiot Uranus in Pisces and your solar fourth house, there may be unruly doings in the domicile. You may change your address to flee mounting debt and angry creditors. You may paint your bedroom electric blue or flood the bathroom because of an explosive leak in the plumbing. Or you may wander restlessly in the confines of your house, not knowing what to do with yourself. Situation normal! You may even move to Sweden to track down your 'chat room' lover since you find yourself bored, needing a new interest.
With marauding Mars in arrogant Aries, you'll party, speculate and throw your weight around. But, as lugubrious Saturn in Cancer and your solar eighth house clashes with Mars, you'll have your credit card suspended or offend an elderly relative who was going to leave you money but then decides not to. But by my little brown bottle, what's this! Jolly Jupiter enters vacuous Libra and you suddenly find you have new friends! You may win money! You may land a good job!
Great gods alive and dead, what's happening! Ugh! Aargh! It's one of those unspeakable turns of fortune that always gets you out of trouble. Ye gods and little fishes, odious centaurs! One day I'll have jolly Jupiter torn from the body of Heaven through a piece of brilliant cosmic surgery! And then where will you be, little whinnying nitwits! You'll be adrift in a benighted world ruled by insane gods! But great gods alive and dead, that's where you are already! I'd forgotten! I need medication now, intravenously. So that's that, until next time! Ta! Ta!