Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, insufferable centaur galoots! Last time we left you on the in the midst of poverty, despair and homelessness! But, Lady Luck was about to turn her sickening smile upon you, despite the facts that, firstly, all other omens pointed to ruin and, secondly, the other eleven idiot creatures of the Zodiac wheel were cheering on the hounds of hell as they snapped at your heels. Thus, it is with a heavy heart, I begin the vile and bitter prognostications for the coming month, fearful February, knowing as I do that you will yet again escape the machinations of a deserved nasty fate by blind good fortune. Aargh! Jupiter!
Mischievous Mercury conjoins cranky Chiron and your financial woes are at their peak. But then, the great Sol Invicti conjoins with nasty Neptune. Now, if you've been keeping up with past forecasts, you'll remember you met someone at the clinic (where you were being treated for a nervous condition) and they promised you a job. It is at this very moment they waft in to the homeless shelter (much wafting is done under the influence of Neptune) and ask why you haven't turned up to work. Marauding Mars moves into Taurus and you give in, consenting finally to join the workforce and take a normal job.
But, come the Full Moon in fatuous Leo, you're in for a stunning surprise. Your place of work is in the countryside (Lady Moon in your solar ninth house). In fact, it's a mansion. And all the mysterious stranger wants you to do is live there in the lap of what appears to be luxury. You simply have to collect mail and answer phone calls as if you're someone else. From there you can do as you like. The fridge, bar and dvd library are all well stocked. She/he gives you a superficial explanation as to the nature of the situation but you don't listen. Gift horses and mouths, centaur galoots! That's ever your philosophy.
Marauding Mars and sober Saturn harmonize and all is bliss. Bliss that is, until you go online and discover a glitch in the system. The person whose identity you've taken on is apparently loaded, according to the internet banking records. Loaded, but also dead! By my little brown bottle! Is there a scam at work here? Of course there is! And anyone but you would have realized it from the outset. But why worry about minor details like scams when there are acts of even greater idiocy to commit, like trying to scam the scammer.
As the New Moon comes in wretched Pisces, conjoined with idiot Uranus, you decide you'll become your fictional identity and see if you can get hold of the funds in the accounts. Mischievous Mercury enters tear-stained Pisces and you're on the phone, talking to persons of status and authority, trying to sense how easily you can pull this off, hoping against hope that your mysterious employer won't come back to soon. Will your hopes be fulfilled or dashed against the rocks of fate? Click here next month and see!