Egad, my little centaur galoots! I hardly know what to tell you! The Heavens are in a mess, a veritable mad woman’s breakfast, and you are the prime target of the cosmic confusion. Well, you and the other eleven signs of the unspeakable wheel of animals we know as the Zodiac! After all, I wouldn’t want you thinking you were special, would I!
Now, as I was saying! There are idle and shiftless planets disporting themselves in all sectors of your solar chart. Much like your own energies really, in the various sectors of your life, scattering themselves to the four winds in a vain and futile manner! Now last month, as I remember, you were in the midst of a scorpion experience, with betrayal, sex, guns and imminent death hovering on your shaky horizons. However, I can’t be bothered pursuing that line any further as you will doubtless escape death and a just punishment by one of those freakish turns of fortune that mark your shiftless and unworthy existence. So we will mark the vile and bitter prognostications for awkward April with a new start and a path that will, perhaps, bring you closer to the peril you so richly deserve, my little centaur galoots!
Mischievous Mercury crashes through cloddish Taurus and your solar sixth house of work and health, so you’ll probably have a sore throat. By my little brown bottle, dear nitwit creatures! You may be coming down with something! However, there’s an important party to go to where fabulous friends want to introduce you to an important contact, one who may be able to find work for you in the media. Thus you take medication to hold back the onset of illness and thereby prepare yourself for the gala event.
Come a Full Moon in fatuous Libra, you disport yourself in an irritating fashion, drinking and making merry. But, as mischievous Mercury turns retrograde, alcohol and medication prove to you they do not mix. Vamping Venus clashes with idiot Uranus and you fall about in an embarrassing display, knocking over partners and associates, giving vent to foul emotional outbursts and generally making a fool of yourself, something we’ve come to expect of you over the years. Costly are these shenanigans, personally and economically!
Cranky Chiron clashes with the great Sol Invicti and mischievous Mercury and your coffers are depleted by the bills for damage and compensation that come in. Come the New Moon in arrogant Aries, one that brings a solar eclipse, you vow to put aside your customary pleasures and take up a new and healthy activity of a recreational nature. You decide to run or cycle or at least walk more briskly to the hotel, and thus invigorate both body and mind. A laudable determination, little nitwit creatures!
But, oh gods, what’s this? On the very first day of your new regime, marauding Mars clashes with underworld Pluto and you get knocked over by a passing car. Truly this is a benighted universe, ruled by insane gods and you are in it! Are all you plans for a better life to come to naught? By my little brown bottle, it would seem so, at least until vamping Venus follows the path of Mars and she too (the hussy) clashes with the underworld god. Thus, the driver who has knocked you down, rushes to your side, filled with anguish and concern! Through the haze of consciousness slipping away, you see the face of a ministering angel and fall in love! It’s always been thought that the best way to get your attention is to knock you down. Clearly this has been proven true. But will it lead to true love? Click here next month and see!