Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, O cretinous creatures! Welcome to manic May! Last time we left you unconscious on the roadside after a chance encounter with a passing car, just as you were out and about on your new exercise program. Unfortunately, likely as it is that a public referendum would leave you there, we cannot do so! Instead, we will see what the vile and bitter prognostications may bring to further demean and even degrade your state.
As mischievous Mercury moves forward while the great Sol Invicti conjoins with the Lunar North Node, persons of a helpful disposition and knowledge of first aid rush to your side and ask if all is well. As you’re lying on the ground, unconscious, the answer might seem to be self-evident, but we do live in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods so what can one expect!
A Full Moon in odious Scorpio comes, bringing a Lunar Eclipse to you solar twelfth house and thus you swoon deeper and deeper into the realms of your unconscious (and mercifully silent) inmost being. There you reside as the great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune. Jolly Jupiter moves forward and the finest surgeons consult about the baffling nature of your case. Marauding Mars enters neurotic Cancer and a bad-tempered occultist is called in to help render services in the otherworld to which you have retreated.
Alas! All is to no avail! Mischievous Mercury re-enters Taurus and worried healthcare persons discuss what may be your fate. Vamping Venus turns retrograde and a procession of past lovers and associates comes to your bedside to wish you farewell, using colourful and somewhat vigorous language in most instances.
The New Moon comes in cloddish Taurus and you lie in an almost beatific repose, whilst the underlings of the healthcare industry hover at your bedside. The great Sol Invicti enters nitwit Gemini and your solar seventh house and the perpetrator of this unfortunate altercation with a motor vehicle comes to plead at with you to rise again into life so that you may enjoy together all the joys that await you.
A raft of ghastly planets hovers in unusually benign aspect and you decide, having now lain there long enough to warrant a massive public liability claim, that it’s time to get up and get moving as you’re feeling bored. You stage the necessary miraculous awakening and, by my little brown bottle, everyone seems taken by with your Academy Award performance.
But, great gods alive and dead, what’s this! Not quite everyone! Oh no, my little centaur lunatics! I fear the worst! Your newfound love and accidental engineer of your mishap smiles rather oddly! Vamping Venus clashes once again with underworld Pluto and all is revealed!
This is no ‘would be’ lover, my little addlepates! No indeed! This is a person of the legal persuasion, practicing a base deception of concern in order to hand to you notice of a class action against your person for past crimes and misdemeanours! Great Heavens! What will you do? I must rest now. Click here next month and I’ll see if I can think of something! Ta! Ta!