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    Click for Last Month  The Jaded Japes of July 2008  Click for Next Month  
    Scorpio Odds bodkins but it's you, odious arachnid types! You're certes in for a jolly old time as we stroll through jaundiced July.

    With marauding Mars rolling into vexatious Virgo, you'll join a society for psychotic greenkeepers, you'll learn mathematics by taking a job as a nut counter in Crete or you'll hang around with sporty types, looking for the opportunity to steal their credit card numbers when they're out doing sporty things.

    But, by all the gods alive and dead, the mood alters from there as a ghastly New Moon comes in neurotic Cancer, sending you off across the waves to engage in property investment in Manchester, run a bath house in Amsterdam or learn the culinary arts of Cadiz. You'll make a new home for yourself, spend extravagantly on impressing the locals and cultivate friends among local celebrities, academics or effeminate crime lords. You'll forge secret plans about money and set up an embezzlement scheme. You will also begin gambling and hire magnetically charming personal staff to count your winnings. You will train the psychotic greenkeepers in the art of nut counting while doing recitations from their ancestral history.

    Come a Full Moon in lugubrious Capricorn and you'll become the president or leader of some society or other, one whose members are, needless to say, dangerous, homicidal and have criminal records. The great Sol Invicti clatters his way drunkenly into lackwit Leo and you crack the whip to organize your minions into a fearsome fighting force, following you as a leader.

    As cranky Chiron gropes the Loony North Node, you return home briefly to feed the insane relative you keep imprisoned in the attic. You issue mighty orders in that chilling voice of yours, training the riders of 'ride on' lawnmowers to operate as an attack force should you wish to organize a coup and seize the leadership of the country. Past aspirations blaze back into life as you have a tailor make chillingly authoritative uniforms for you and your personal staff to wear. They rank at 9.6 on the psychic intimidation scale. You practice the 'death by voice' tones in your speech, crack wineglasses with your snapped commands and have crimson braid sewn into all of your uniforms to heighten the effect of your imposing presence.

    Vamping Venus gropes narcotic Neptune as the month ends and you mix magical potions to send you into an altered state, dress in an even more peculiar fashion and have drug-besotted affairs. Click here next time and see where this megalomaniac eccentricity is leading. For the nonce, ave!



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