Asperitus Casting Runes...
The forces lurking in the hidden depths of the scorpion have always been a topic debated in tones of trepidation by lesser mortals, those who have fallen victim to the glamour of your impenetrable reserve. They mumble fearfully about sex, death and power, while avoiding people of your sign at parties and hoping desperately that their accountant doesn't belong to the genitalia club as well (the genitalia being one of the body parts you rule, along with the anus). I guess no one wants to be shafted by a scorpion, this being why your sign has a mythic association with prostitution.
Your scheming and vindictive nature puts most normal human beings off completely and tends to mark your career with the shadowy stamp of the underworld god who rules your destiny, Pluto. We all know how horrible Pluto was, running around with that dreadful mouse and barking a lot. Vivienne Leigh, Jayne Mansfield, Pablo Picasso and Grace Kelly are some of the world's famous scorpions, so you'll either die tragically or succeed and live in an ivory tower for the rest of your life, despite the cost to anyone else.
If you're inclined towards the arts, then Richard Burton and Dylan Thomas both had talent and problems with alcohol that killed them. Or, if politics is your game, Daniel Boone and Leon Trotsky died as victims of revolutionary struggle while the Roman Emperor Tiberius outlived all the attempted assassinations and poisonings his disgusting dynasty could come up with. Then there was Captain James Cook! Damned forever in the public mind for discovering Australia and thus introducing thongs to the world ... no right-minded person should ever forgive him.
But back to that mystique! Perhaps the real problem is that even you don't know what lies beneath the veil of composure. Maybe that mysterious core of your being is completely devoid of any content at all! Thus, you're standing guard on the shadowy borderland of the greatest subterfuge of the zodiac ... there's nothing in the scorpion depths and you've been holding the world to ransom for all this time on a bluff even you don't understand. The rest of us know how arrogant (Aries), narrow-minded (Taurus), superficial (Gemini), selfish (Leo), neurotic (Virgo), decadent (Libra), insensitive (Sagittarius), weird (Aquarius) or useless (Pisces) we are. This is probably why new age astrology has assigned the zero to your sign.
Anyway, all that aside, the month of April promises to keep your life being the complete misery it's been for sometime. Pluto the transformer and Mars the warrior are crashing through your solar second house of money and resources, ruining the family fortunes with lavish expenditure and unpaid bills. But then Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens is rolling through your solar eighth house, trying to eat, drink, spend or shaft everything in sight regardless of who it belongs to. The great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess are in Aries, conjoined in your solar sixth house of work, but squaring the Moon's Nodes in Cancer and Capricorn. Thus the entire staff at the office will be conspiring to get rid of you in a coup, or defect to a rival company and sell them all your secrets. They feel (quite rightly) that you need a dose of your own medicine. As Saturn the lord of fateful reward spends a few last tragic weeks in Taurus and your solar seventh house, the last of the rats (all those people you once knew and loved) are preparing to desert you forever if they haven't already.
The end of the first week of April sees Mercury the messenger move from Pisces and your solar fifth house to Aries and your solar sixth house. You'll finally stop talking obsessively about your own ideas for long enough to hear everyone complaining about how sick of you they are. Then, when the FULL MOON comes on April 8th in your solar twelfth house, all your hidden enemies emerge into the open and steal that little black book where you keep your notes about who you'll take revenge on and how. Fools! If only they knew how many copies you've made!
The end of the third week of April sees the great Sol Invicti and Mercury move into Taurus and your solar seventh house of partnership while Venus the goddess begins to move forward again. The coup/defection occurs and the die is cast. Then, Saturn the lord of fateful reward moves into Gemini and your solar eighth house and the NEW MOON comes on April 23rd, bringing a change of profession. You take a contract as the publicity agent for a funeral director and sit back to plot your revenge on the world while fantasizing about bodies in coffins.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes