Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, cousins of the spider! It seems I am walking a dangerous path for I have disappointed you with the late delivery of my vile and bitter prognostications for the month of miserable March. Though the common folk of the Zodiac may be wary about risking your wrath and subsequent revenge, I am an uncommon fellow and an enlightened master so I thus laugh in the face of such danger. After all, what is there to risk? A cruel revenge! An imminent death! What could be more cruel than my fate amongst the lowly beings (yourselves and the other eleven) of this benighted universe ruled by insane gods? What greater release could there be than to pass from this sphere in the knowledge that a wise being with a spirit both compassionate and selfless (such as mine) would not again return to this, a miserable earth located somewhere in the lowest of the twenty-nine hells?
So come, little irritated myrmidons of the underworld god! Do your worst! But yikes and double yikes, rulers of the anus! What am I thinking? What am I saying? What would the wretched creatures of the earth plane (that's yourselves and the other eleven) do without the radiance of my irritation to guide you through this land of darkness and sorrow! How could I, the master of masters, extinguish the candle that carries the last flame of hope you may ever behold? Without the rant and cant of my right irritation, who among you could know the way forward? Better late than never, as we say in the Heavenly Council (you must be gratified to know that enlightened beings often share a jolly joke, just as mere mortals do). So, here are the late prognostications (of a vile and bitter nature) for the balance of miserable March.
I will begin with a précis of the story so far. Mighty Mars moved into Taurus and your solar seventh house so there will be conflict with partners and close associates. But, as we left you last month in the midst of just such a ruckus, this is no news. Doubtless as you weighed into the press of grappling bodies, there was a rush of perverse sexual pleasure so that fisticuffs and coupling went hand in hand, as it were. But, with giant Jupiter moving forward once more in Cancer and your solar ninth house, you were probably all too ready to trade the glories of godhead for a long holiday in Cadiz or Berne or Venice or some other distant location. Either that or you were perhaps thinking of enrolling in a university to study the digestive system, sheep management or the breeding of turnips. In fact, little scorpion nitwits, you were probably thinking that almost anything would be better than the ill-fated cult of Feedmibeast the First. As the great Sol Invicti then crossed swords with underworld Pluto, you took to your heels and fled to a far and mysterious location. With Venus the goddess in Aries and your solar sixth house, you contracted a severe migraine from eating a surfeit of red chilli peppers after taking a job in the local fire department.
As Mercury the messenger in Aquarius conjoined with revolutionary Uranus, you received communications from distressed family members back home (remember the wretched folk in the cellar). But as the messenger then moved on into Pisces and your solar fifth house, you got drunk instead of replying. Then you began a secret affair with the sibling of a local fish oil producer, a liaison that will doubtless produce an illegitimate child at some later date (in nine months, to be precise). As Venus the goddess then began wrestling with giant Jupiter, your health began to suffer because of excesses of all kinds. By the time of the NEW MOONin Pisces and your solar fifth house, you decide to forget about cults and religion altogether and just live a life of fire-fighting and decadent pleasure whilst claiming social welfare benefits for a string of illegitimate children you now intend to have. As mighty Mars then tests out mystic Neptune, you lie in trance-like state with your new 'fireman' friends, inebriated beyond all measure. Thus we come to the Equinox, O odious genital creatures. Here, as the great Sol Invicti moves into the sign of Aries and your solar sixth house, preparing for a tussle with giant Jupiter, your excesses surpass all previous levels.
Thus, by the FULL MOON in Libra and your solar twelfth house, you're in the grip of serious health problem and spiritual delirium. When Mercury the messenger then moves into Aries, a spirit comes to possess your wretched body. Great Heavens, little servants of the hell god! It's Feedmibeast the First! No longer a fiction of your greedy desires, this ancient entity has risen from the sea of antediluvian consciousness to guide you on a path to who knows where! Come back next month and see. I shall sleep now.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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