Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, tiresome rulers of the anus! Last month we left you in the midst of new experiments with the subtle sounds of ecstatic pain, inflicted by your worthy selves upon the bodies and spirits of unworthy followers. Quite a good deal, as far as such things go, and that's a long way with you! Your hit CD, THE CUTICLES OF ECSTASY, fills the airwaves of the world with its eerie atmosphere and disturbing melodies. The Church of primal passion flourishes, but its management is in the hands of an underling on whom you must keep a weather eye. But will you, immersed as you are in the practices of this new but very old faith? We shall see! And perhaps there are surprises in store as we raise the curtain on the vile and bitter prognostications for ominous October.
At first all goes according to the divine plan (yours), but then the great Sol Invicti clashes with cranky Chiron and sober Saturn, shaking up your houses of communication through ructions in your house of faith, hidden enemies and self-undoing. You are subject to strange fears and sudden mood changes. Your normally razor-sharp mind becomes erratic. Mercury the messenger moves into Libra and you begin hearing voices and talking to yourself. Great heavens, tiny insectoids! What can be wrong? Are you losing your mind? You wonder about life and life's important decisions in an uncharacteristic way. On one astounding occasion, you ask advice about a difficult problem. As the worthless follower is in too much pain to answer, nothing comes of it.
But, nonetheless! Venus the goddess moves into your sign and the needs of others increase around you, demanding more of your time and energy. Then comes a Full Moon in odious Aries and your solar sixth house of health! You shiver, shake, tremble and quake, then fall into a faint upon the floor. Unconscious now, you lie defenseless, but your faithful followers are filled with fear and flee from this fit. Deeper and deeper you sink as Mercury clashes with Saturn and Chiron until, when jolly Jupiter cavorts with nasty Neptune, you awake at another level of consciousness. Awake, hearing voices!
God himself speaks to you, little insectoid imbeciles! You're flayed by the powerful voice of the Almighty himself. That's of course if you believe he's a man! We often a laugh over that here in Heaven! The destiny of the benighted universe in the hands of an elderly chap with a long grey beard! Especially when most of us are bisexual and can hardly remember how we started out until we look down for a prolonged period of time!
Ah well! Back to the tale told by an idiot! Or is it the tale told about an idiot? I can never remember! Probably a bit of both! Anyway, god speaks to you! In the main, he's completely dissatisfied with your doings, as he is with most things, demands you change your evil ways, as he generally does, and exacts a severe penance, which is usual in these matters. So there you are!
At the New Moon in your insufferable sign, you put aside the instruments of torture, give your ill-gotten gains to the poor and go around being nice to people and serving their needs. These are his orders, otherwise it's eternal damnation! Personally, I can't see the difference, but that's god for you! On awakening from your fit, you do as you're told.
By the time lugubrious Saturn moves into retrograde phase and Mercury clashes with nasty Neptune, you're praying a lot and being sickeningly polite. Everyone keeps asking who you are and what you've done with the high priest they knew and loved. Such love says something important about the human species, does it not? But, as with all things, imbecile insects, you persist, wondering all the while where this 'nice' business will lead? Click here next time and see!
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes