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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of November 2003    Go Forward
    Salutations, rulers of the anus! We left you last time persecuted by the deity as this aged and insufferable personage instructed you to give up your corrupt and sadistic nature and so become a nice, amenable individual, filled with the milk of human kindness and offering compassionate service to all the community. Leopards and spots, little insectoid travesties! Leopards and spots!

    So, how do we find you now? Let's consult the vile and bitter prognostications for nasty November and find out. Brooding planets plaster the Heavens with the odium and despite associated with your sign and yet you must continue to be nice in accordance with the word of the Lord.

    The great Sol Invicti clashes with mystic Neptune and you find yourself weakened, distracted and out of sorts. Venus the goddess moves into lunatic Sagittarius and income from the church begins falling, as the faithful are disinclined to give money to one who seems to genuinely care for them. An oddity that, but so true! Worthless humanity is far fonder of the gods that punish!

    The great Sol Invicti harmonizes with jolly Jupiter and a new coterie forms about you, one filled with puling, politically correct, do-gooder nitwits. Come the Full Moon in cloddish Taurus, a lunar eclipse drives you screaming from your chambers. Great Heavens, tiny rulers of the sex organs! What's wrong?

    I'll tell you. If being nice to folk is all that's left then you'll quit the pulpit and be done with the word of god. You're tired of evangelism, ecstasy, agony, religion and all forms of spiritual endeavour and want to get a job and live like a normal person, working for wages and coming home at the end of the day. Planets crash about the cosmos with unseemly haste and you cast aside the frocks and the instruments of torture. You take the first employment you can find that doesn't involve the mortuary or the brothel and settle in to enjoy a humdrum existence.

    At first, the thought of using a sharp instrument on the people who annoy you with merry japes and jibes (co-workers, bosses, members of the public) is like a distant ghost or fleeting shadow. However, as the days pass (two or three of them at least), the urge comes on stronger.

    At the New Moon and a solar eclipse in idiot Sagittarius, you quit the mundane job, never to return. And, when the police arrive to ask about your missing co-workers, you feign surprise and concern in the time-honoured way. Marauding Mars clashes with underworld Pluto and Venus the goddess enters miserable Capricorn and you make a career move. You start a business befriending elderly people so you can poison them after persuading them to change their wills, in your favour of course. Enough nice! You want to be 'you' again! Let God and all his angels come to drag you to judgement, but you will not change!

    This is an open declaration of war on the Almighty, little nerveless nitwits! And, it has a precedent with a less than fortunate outcome for the aggressor. Click here next month to see how you fare in battle with the heavenly hosts!

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