Astrology on the Web - Scathing Scorpio

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The Oracle of Bitter Truth for June 2001
SCATHING SCORPIO...

With all the activity in your solar eighth house of desire, death and taxes (a house with which you have a special connection as it's your own), you may be thinking a lot about sex and money at the moment. But then again you think a lot about sex and money anyway so there may be no real or appreciable difference. With Saturn in Gemini and your solar eighth house, this may involve sex with the elderly or dead (this last one is called necrophilia) and any funds that may accrue therefrom.

However, with Mercury and Jupiter also in the eighth house of autopsies, excretions and inheritance (god, it's a jolly place to reside in, isn't it!), you might be contemplating a bit of concupiscent conjoining with academics, teenagers or members of your own family (some of whom work in the media). This is also another avenue by which funds may come into your life.

Now remember that if you're expecting to gain through an inheritance from such a liaison, stay away from the connections formed under the blessing of Saturn, lord of fateful reward. To wit, the elderly and the dead! Firstly, if you're left a legacy with Saturn in Gemini in your solar eighth house, you'll probably have to take care of an exotic collection of budgerigars or an army of white mice otherwise you won't get the money. As to the dead, they can't leave you anything in their wills for obvious reasons. If you're thinking that one over then stop reading right now, you're wasting your time and mine.

Now, if you're going the academic road to orgasmic and economic satisfaction under the auspices of Jupiter, there are a few things you need to know about the world of academia. Firstly, they don't have any money to leave you as a legacy because they spend most of it on alcohol and drugs trying to seduce undergraduates. The exception to this is if they have written a ridiculous book on the history of time or the true meaning of bay leaves or navigation instruments. You know! It's the kind of thing every idiot feels they have to read regardless of the fact that no one can actually understand that kind of drivel. If you score one of those then you should do well out of their premature death, provided they haven't spent more than the first advance on drugs and alcohol, trying to seduce undergraduates or junior editors.

And lastly, as to conjugal liaisons with family members under the blessing of Mercury the messenger (your siblings), remember if you kill them, you'll get their money anyway so what does it matter. Well, I think I've covered most of the topics that could end in litigation this month so I'll get on with forecasting a bit about your miserable lives and your endless and petty efforts at revenge on all who offend you. That's probably most of us, and I'm certainly here each month making a worthwhile attempt.

As the jolly month of June begins, the great Sol Invicti in Gemini and your solar second house wrestles with underworld Pluto in the sign of Sagittarius and your solar eighth. There will be stresses, strains and struggles over money. With Mercury the messenger turning retrograde in the sign of Gemini on the selfsame day, there will be confusion and also accident risk related to the extremities, the nervous system and transport. Don't leave the handbrake off while having sex in your car (or someone else's) and don't try to join the mile high club or you'll have the kind of orgasm even you never dreamed of when the plane crashes in the Alps at the crucial moment. When the FULL MOON comes in the sign of Sagittarius on June 6th after a crossing with underworld Pluto, and Venus the goddess moves into Taurus and your solar seventh house, things become intense! You'll either get the bill for all the escort services you've been using or have a fight with your partner and have to spend a lot of money trying to buy your way out of the trouble. Either way, partnership becomes the theme for the month and June 12th could see serious rows or legal problems over all the money one or both of you is spending.

In mid June with Venus the goddess squaring Neptune and the great Sol Invicti and Mercury opposing Chiron, you decide to kidnap the irritating e-commerce teenagers you were dealing with last month. You then hold them captive in your own home, preparatory to one of those torture sessions for which your sign is justly famous. However, one of the little nerds (probably the Gemini) uses her/his mobile phone to hack into your computer system and discovers the fact that you're embezzling moneys from the funeral directors where you work. When giant Jupiter conjoins with retrograde Mercury on June 18th, you're forced to cut a deal with them. Come the entry of the great Sol Invicti into Cancer, bringing a NEW MOON and a solar eclipse, you're forced to let them go. However, you decide to go into business together, embezzling from all of the companies on the client list of the publicity outfit they work for. That Gemini had quite a few good ideas actually. It's a pity she/he talks so much in that irritating way, but then don't they all? When Mercury moves forward again on June 28th, you can go back to having sex in cars and dreaming of the mile high club. Then when Venus the goddess squares revolutionary Uranus, you decide to end the relationship you're in and cohabit with the teenage Gemini. Although you don't know how long it's going to last if she/he keeps talking like that during sex!