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    Scorpio | Soul Connection | Relationships | Runes | Zodiac


    Click for Last Month  The Carping Conundrums of January 2006  Click for Next Month 
    Scorpio Greetings, maladroit misfits! Last time, you were again on the precipice of a great divide, as the evil Doctor Caligari (that's you, my dears), master hypnotist and celebrity torturer, revealed a traitorous enemy to an adoring public that overwhelmingly then voted for the scalpel. But, in the moment of triumph, as you prepared to wield the blade of choice, the dastardly influence of cranky Chiron in Aquarius, sign of the idiot god, once again split you in two.

    One half of you was 'evil' Scorpio, holding a savage blade, but the other was a wittering fool that wants to be nice, speaks of forgiveness and is hesitant in speech due to a preoccupation with the singing of angels. Gadzooks! Ugh! And other expressions that indicate dismay! And you in the employ of Satan! There'll be a review of your employment contract ere long.

    Now, I know what you're about to say. I'm late with the forecast yet again. Hmm! Well, my odious insectoids, I didn't want to give the impression things in the year of the Insane Gods 2006 were set to change. There was confusion over prescription strength! As a consequence, I slept through New Year and through several (well, more than several) days of jittery January as well. I must inform you that, in the interim, there has been a deal of farting in the ghastly sign of the Goat, so things have not progressed well in the department of communications. And, as mischievous Mercury inserts a supple digit into the nether regions of Uranus, idiot god, and a Full Moon glowers in neurotic Cancer, you decide you've had enough.

    Great Caesar's ghost, you have! So have I! So have we all! Thus, you stop teetering on the brink of paralyzing indecision and flee from the cabinet and, indeed, the house entire of Dr. Caligari. So too do you fly from the public eye, eschewing your role as the 'now' reality star. Odious planets congregate in orgiastic fashion in the cosmic gutters; marauding Mars, jolly Jupiter, grim Saturn and narcotic Neptune, by epithet and name! The angular houses of your solar chart tremble with the ghastly groans of cosmic fornication and other random and acts of perversity. Egad!

    The substance of your life and your very self begins dissolving as you write a letter of resignation to the devil, take the remnants of your fortune and head for foreign climes. Is it time for a sea change whereby you may restore your shattered sensibilities? Uranus, idiot god, and jolly Jupiter may draw you to explore the unknown waters in Syria, Uruguay or Cincinnati. However, as cranky Chiron clashes with grim Saturn, you may become an orchardist and export frozen fruit to Bombay, Madrid or the Lebanon. Or perhaps, with jolly Jupiter in your sign, you may fly to Morocco, the Transvaal or Norway and study the Blackthorn Bush, learning its spiritual meaning as you devote your life to the mysteries of the world of nature.

    But what's this? Great gods alive and dead, it's the ghastly sound of the great Sol Invicti and mischievous Mercury, grinding their passage (eek) into Aquarius, sign of the idiot god! Quelle horreur! A nasty little New Moon comes in that same sign. It seems that a new home and life are on the cards for you, my ghastly little articles!

    But where and what can that little life be, now that you are neither Caligari nor a servant of the devil. Are you truly set to have an identity crisis of the first water? You'll have to click here next month and see. In the meantime, ave atque vale, heinous anus types! Ta! Ta!

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