Greetings, my tiny rulers of the anus! Last time you traded your nightclub in Casablanca and your love of death, torture and the worship of the devil for a scrubbing brush with which to erase all traces of past wickedness and sin. Eek! You're going to be a scrubber! And this is the tale of your seven sorrows! That's not the kind of thing we expect of you, is it! But then you are going through a difficult time! How tragic for you! You see, cranky Chiron is currently raising merry hell in idiot Aquarius, summoning ghosts, fears, anxieties and eroding your customary confidence. You may indulge in unhealthy thoughts or odd fantasies about your parents (ugh)! You may be worrying about your home life or domestic hygiene (eek)! You may have eccentric visitors or walk strangely down your own passage (egad)! You may be off your food or adopting eccentric culinary practices.
Hmm! Perhaps we should consult the vile and bitter prognostications to discover what's occurring, otherwise I shall just witter on like this till I forget why I began talking in the first place and so go back to sleep. As I'm late with the forecast already, that would never do! So let's begin!
Mischievous Mercury cavorts in your sign, engaging in gross acts with the aforementioned Chiron of the cranky disposition. You wander about your home, talking to yourself, tripping over domestic furnishings and leaving food, half-cooked or half-eaten. As a Full Moon comes in addlepate Aries, you feel sick or feverish and wonder what you now will do, as you've lost interest in the devil, nightclubs and even the Herring Zombie. And that is where you spy the scrubbing brush in your hand and go to work. You feel driven to scrub the house from top to bottom. And so you do. Ever a creature of obsession!
But what's this? By my sainted aunt, with each stroke of the brush comes a spiritual visitation. As ghastly planets cavort in lackwit Libra, you're haunted by the ghosts of persons past! Egad! How spooky! Lovers, partners, strangers and the general run of victims of your evil machinations are summoned in the bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. They weep, wail and witter, crying in accusatory tones of the crimes you committed against them. They force you to you relive your lies, betrayals, poisonings and cruelty. You hear again your callous self, ordering body bags for lovers and partners that passed the 'use by' date or became more profitable dead than alive. You stare transfixed at the scars you inflicted, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But with each ancient wound and victim that rises up before you as a shade, it's 'out, out damned spot' as you wield the scrubber's brush and scrub a further surface clean. Neither floor nor ceiling nor wall nor crevice is anything but pristine as a New Moon comes in lackwit Libra and your solar twelfth house. And you feel released, tiny arachnid darlings! It's as if you've exorcised the ghosts of cruelties past with the fierce work you've done. Shall the scrubbing brush that was a gift of the gods be your release from the hold that hell and all its demons has over you and your dastardly nature? Shall this humble implement do more for you than all the monies of the world? Indeed it shall for this has been the first sorrow of the seven you've laid to rest! The harm you've done to others!
As ghastly planets fart and fornicate fantastically into the grim and ghastly reaches of your appalling sign, you realize it is not enough just to clean your own house. Now you must start on the houses of the world! The second sorrow will be the sorrows of the world. By all the gods alive and dead, this is a spiritual realization, my tiny rulers of the anus! An epiphany! You can sell these sorcerous services to those that need them. You can take your scrubbing brush to the world, call up the ghosts of past wrongs and cruelties and then scrub them away.
Armed with the implement de scrub, you head for the corridors of power where indeed you will find a wealth of past evils and the wealth that will gladly pay to exorcise them. As mischievous Mercury, jolly Jupiter and grim Saturn all become ensnared in an unseemly erotic dance, you scrub for politicians, kings, moguls of the media, bankers, law enforcement agents and all the wide variety of persons in power. You even pop round to your parents' house to do a family exorcism. And, great masticating mammals, is there some scrubbing to do there! You wield the little brush. The ghosties and ghoulies rise up, bemoaning past ills. Sharp bristles send them to eternal rest. But, as mischievous Mercury moves into perverse reverse, you realize this is only a beginning. The scrubber's work is never done but you can clean the slate of life of all its ills with your sorcerous brush and bristles! You, a creature of death and rebirth, can transform yourself, turning from torturer, devil-worshipper and all round nasty type to 'redeemer' and lovely spiritual person, not by the way of the cross by but the way of the bristle!
But will you be able to banish every ghost you summon with your bristling little brush? Click here next time and see, my odious arachnids! In the meantime, hail and farewell, little scrubbers!