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SCATHING SCORPIO...	 —Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
  The Jaded Japes of June 2008 Â	Â

As groping Saturn grapples with idiot Uranus in the last quarter of the year, you'll turn aside from romance, dodgy investments and pornographic films to take up healthy and invigorating activity with a devoted group of excruciatingly dull and worthy individuals, dedicated to saving the whales or restoring the cast iron whirligig to its former place of prominence.

There will be many conversations on tedious topics, leaving you bereft of your senses due to the drugs you secretly take to allow you to refrain from homicide. You will sell children to understaffed communes and some of these little tykes will be your own.

You will join classes and learn skills in order to find artistic success. However, you will be unable to make up your mind what you wish to do. You'll become amicable with the ghosts in your bedroom, or with an insane sibling the family has been keeping prisoner in the attic.

TIPS FOR JADED JUNE:

You'll have so many secret affairs that you'll forget who you're talking to over a post-coital fag. Your plots over money or sex go awry, leaving you exposed (eek) or uncertain about your course of action. You'll triumph in an overseas investment scam, but spend most of the money paying back all that you owe, just as the Full Moon comes in silly Sagittarius. You'll subsequently put aside your confusion and begin writing a book.

As vamping Venus and the great Sol Invicti slither into Cancer, you study philosophy, dine on foreign food, join the mammary appreciation society, or travel overseas and have an affair. One choice is no doubt as good as another, chitinous ones. Hail and farewell.

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