Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, purblind bovines! Welcome to awful April! Welcome to my vile and bitter prognostications for same!
A liaison with an item of furniture known as Bjorn or Anna-Frid proves to be everything you expect and more, given the limited vision for which your sign is legendary. By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about, kindly refer to last month's forecast and do try to keep up in future. The New Moon in odious Aries and your solar twelfth house sees you sink into that delusory solitude for which the twelfth house is justly famous. You're besotted with your new love. You open drawers. You close them. You store things in handy recesses. You apply exotic orange oil to clean already shiny surfaces.
Mighty Mars conjoins with cranky Chiron in your solar ninth house and you bring home foreign food and travel brochures, pretending you're on a romantic holiday together. But what's this! Giant Jupiter moves forwards again, clashing with Mercury the messenger in your sign. There are angry phone calls from superiors at work, demanding explanations for your absenteeism.
But, as the Lunar Nodes move into your sign and that of your opposite, brooding Scorpio, you fling aside such concerns and propose marriage to your dear one. You interpret the apparent lack of objection as consent and proceed with your wedding plans. With odd and tedious aspects between Mercury and mystic Neptune, you invite your mother and siblings to attend the ceremony but, strangely and hurtfully, they refuse, one and all. As the Full Moon comes in Libra, with nasty aspects to mighty Mars, you find yourself alone but for your household furnishings, treating them as visitors in your home and calling them such names as 'Dolores' and 'Peter' so they will feel comfortable as guests at your wedding. However, as mighty Mars moves into Aquarius and Venus the goddess drifts into Aries, your idyllic world is torn apart by secret longings! You find your eye caught by a fetching Grandfather clock (in oak, mind you), up the road at an antique store.
Great Heavens, little bulls! You're slipping further into this horrifying world of delusion! As Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in your sign, you begin wondering, are you really just 'old and sad' as everybody thinks? Or is it that life is a force beyond your control and you are a mere puppet, dancing on strings pulled by insane gods in the theatre of a benighted universe? You know my views, little bulls! Click here next month to find out what you think.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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