Asperitus Casting Runes...
What ho, bullish types! I trust that nothing, not even an uncharacteristic glimmer of intelligent thought has come between you and your simple pleasures since last we spoke. As I suspected! Anyway, enough of this delightful badinage! Let us hie to the vile and bitter prognostications for jittery July.
A raft of odious planets engaged in activities too tedious to name sets the month in motion. Suffice to say your activities flourish! The House of Flesh is your cash cow and the charitable works are the cover for your evil deeds. Thus you sate your bullish desires, fill your coffers with ill-gotten gains and, what's this? Great gods, little bullish twerps! You even receive a humanitarian award for good works. It's like giving Jack the Ripper an award for cleaning up the East End! But then life is like that in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods.
For those interested in astrology, all of this is to do with Venus, Uranus and Saturn, while of course nasty Neptune in your solar tenth house causes everyone to misconstrue the true nature of your professional activities. You move to a bigger house as your wealth, activities and very probably your waistline expand. Come the Full Moon in Capricorn, you're on a junket overseas! And, as this is part of the award, you don't even have to pay! Great gods! Could things be any better!
Mercury the messenger moves into Leo at this time, so you move your siblings into the new manse while you're away. This is so they can be consumed by insane jealousy at your estate, the substance of family relations for the bull. As Venus the goddess opposes Chiron, you begin a refugee program while overseas, importing foreign beauties from a troubled land. Of course, you save them the bother of official applications for residency and provide work on their arrival as beauty consultants at the House of Flesh.
But what's this, little bovine tragedies? Mercury opposes nasty Neptune and a communication arrives from home. The sibling you've always hated the most (you know, the ugly one!) insinuates via the email that she/he has twigged to your illicit doings. The game is up, bullish imbeciles! As the great Sol Invicti moves to Leo, you head home to see what can be done. But, great heavens! You're too late! The sibling has begun English and literacy classes from the manse and is teaching all the foreign beauties a course in accelerated learning. Before you know it, they've all published their biographies on the web and the ugly truth of your doings is common knowledge to anyone who can click a mouse.
As the New Moon comes in vacuous Leo, warrior Mars turns retrograde in Pisces. The hordes gather at your manse, calling you ugly names, like 'fatty' and 'greedy' and 'the neck'! Relatives plunder your home with impunity. The ugly sibling wears a smirk and your favourite blue sapphire tie pin/broach. Members of a government agency arrive on your doorstep, wanting the award back and, what's more, wanting you to pay (yes, I said 'pay') for your recent trip. The minions of the law have closed the House of Flesh and no one will have sex with you now, not even for twice the money your normally pay.
As Lady Moon joins Mercury the messenger in Virgo and clashes with Mars, the infuriated mob smashes the lovely stained glass windows you had put in while the minions of the law stand idly by and do nothing. Ye gods, little bullish twerps! This is a pratfall from grace, is it not! I'm feeling faint now, but medication and money may revive me in time for next month's drivel! Who knows! Farewell, bovine imbeciles!
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes