Asperitus Casting Runes...
Salutations, bullish types! Nasty November bids you come and hark to the vile and bitter prognostications of the enlightened one, Asperitus! That's me, in case you haven't been paying attention for the last two years, and you probably haven't. Sit back while I prepare to flay the hides from your bovine bodies with my ruthless wit and general all round nastiness!
Odious planets hold vivid concourse in the heavenly deeps as the month begins. I cannot bear to describe them. By my little brown bottle, neither god nor mortal creature is strong enough for that! Suffice to say, last month we left you at the mercy of a depressed and elderly counsellor as you sought solace for your spiritual ills. Of course, you found none. Now we find you thrashing and groaning in spiritual frustration as you roam the streets in search of inner beauty. No longer are you the little bovine nitwit so easily deluded by the false face that hides what the false heart doth know. No indeed!
As the great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune you decide to go on a worldwide quest to find the aesthetic fulfilment you seek. No boundary of nation will hold you! No remote spot will be too far for you to reach in this new mission you have conceived! You draw funds from the bank, buy a tooled leather money belt and cram it full. You eat several hearty meals in case you miss one on the way and, by the Full Moon in your idiot sign (bringing a lunar eclipse), you're in a taxi to the airport to begin a spiritual quest.
'Wait' you cry as mischievous Mercury clashes with eccentric Uranus then moves into asinine Sagittarius. You race back home to put several small matters of a financial nature in order. You set off again.
'Wait' you cry as Venus the goddess, marauding Mars, jolly Jupiter and other nonesuch addlepate planets all cavort. You race back home to organize friends to water plants and feed pets whilst also checking the locks on your refrigerator to make sure they (the friends that is) don't steal your supplies of frozen food as they're doing so.
You set off again only to be involved in a traffic mishap which, by the New Moon in nitwit Sagittarius that brings a solar eclipse, leads to several litigations of an unfortunate nature, delaying your departure yet again. You have a blazing row with your taxi driver over what is by this time a massive bill. You fight with several friends whom you find loafing around your home and using your things. Your things, by the gods!
Then, as Venus the goddess moves into lugubrious Capricorn, you board the plane to launch your quest, feeling dull, depressed and frustrated for lack of hearty food and coital satisfaction! Perhaps you'll find inner beauty with an airline steward and disembark at the first port of call. All this is beginning to cost too much anyway! Ah well, little bullish types! See next month! Until then, farewell!