Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Hail, Taurannosaurus Ox! Bull dinosaur of the modern era! How are you going with the subtlety course? Have you learned the finer points of anything at all yet? Have you even learned that there are finer points to be learned? Ah well, never mind! We didn't actually expect all that much from you anyway. Last month we left you working your little hoofs to the bone, writing a treatment for a miniseries on the life of Les E. Rect, sex therapist.
As the scourge of September begins, Mercury the messenger moves into Libra and your solar sixth house of work and health. So, you'll get a cold, an attack of indecision and lie in bed doing a lot of talking about what kind of work you would be doing if you were actually well enough to do any. While your new accountants get on with the job of putting your affairs in order (sober Saturn in Gemini and your solar second house), your new bodyguards hang about on the deck of the riverboat, taking potshots at small animals, chewing nails and breaking concrete with their teeth. This is to alleviate the boredom of working for you since you neither go anywhere nor do anything. You may later learn (to your cost) that highly trained killers need useful activity to keep them occupied (there was some debate as to whether saving your life could be described as a useful activity but then we got bored and talked about something else).
As the FULL MOON comes in Pisces and your solar eleventh house, your life coach is driving you insane by running around the place saying things like 'procrastination is the thief of time' and a bunch of other irritating aphorisms. Most of these are so boring you refuse to remember them. After more of this annoying nonsense than someone as lazy as you can bear, you suggest having sex with her/him just in the hope of shutting her/him up. With Venus the goddess opposing mystic Neptune, this offbeat tactic actually works. You find that despite irritating one another completely in every other way, you're actually very sexually compatible and her/his knowledge of the Karma Sutra does come in quite handy if you leave her/him to do the really supple and energetic stuff. Her/his exhortations towards orgasm, made in a variety of foreign tongues, are actually very exciting as well. This helps to keep the bodyguards entertained and even the small animals on the riverbank stop ducking for their lives to listen appreciatively. By September 8th, when mighty Mars moves into Capricorn and your solar ninth house, you decide to study the Karma Sutra in detail. So as not to lose place with the treatment for the miniseries, with Mercury the messenger in Libra wrestling with giant Jupiter in Cancer, you hire a flatulent, academic chef to ghostwrite and do the cooking for you.
Come the middle of the month, giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens, makes a little cosmic mayhem with underworld Pluto and Venus the goddess wrestles with revolutionary Uranus. One of the bored bodyguards has decided to use his minicam to turn your life on the riverboat into a reality television exercise and is transmitting the picture back to your employers, purely out of boredom as I warned you. The bosses of the media empire soon discover that the chef is writing the treatment and, because they like it so much, they hire him and buy out your interest in the project. However, you no longer care about this as your relationship with the life coach has reached an all time ecstatic high.
When the NEW MOON comes in Virgo and your solar fifth house, you decide to start a school of erotic yoga where the two of you can have sex and teach all the time. With the EQUINOX on September 22nd, the great Sol Invicti moves into Libra and your solar sixth house and you found the School of Ecstatic Harmony & Endless Coition. Life isn't so bad for the great bull dinosaur, Taurannosaurus Ox. We shall see. Odious October may bring a sad and bitter twist to the glamorous passage of your thus far charmed life.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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