Astrology on the Web - Vexatious Virgo

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The Oracle of Bitter Truth for April 2001
VEXATIOUS VIRGO...

So many surfaces to wipe! So little time to wipe them! And if it's not surfaces then it's colour coordinating the clothes pegs with the clothes when you go to hang out the washing. Nobody really understands you, do they? And as if all that pressure isn't enough, then there's the constant demand of thinking of new ways to criticize what everyone else does while being neurotically humble and lacking any sense of self-esteem.

However, there has been the good fortune of Uranus the awakener moving through your solar sixth house of work and daily routines (your own little house!). This will have brought a lift to your ingenuity of mind and inventiveness that will have taken your critical faculties above and beyond any powers hitherto known to man, woman or virgin. If there were Olympics for the critical and carping nature then the virgin would take gold, silver and bronze in every event, mainly because none of the other signs are small-minded enough to bother. When nebulous Neptune joined Uranus in Aquarius in your solar sixth house, this would have opened up a whole new avenue, channeled criticism. Free from the constraints of the limiting ego, you can now channel criticism from the higher realms and say what you really think of the rest of us. It will be as if god herself has spoken (you know, the god nobody likes because she always tells us what we did wrong). The downside here is that Neptune and Uranus in your solar sixth house could easily lead to poor health, but then who the hell cares? You've always got something wrong with you and you make the rest of us sick anyway!

With Pluto the transformer and Chiron the wounded healer in Sagittarius in your solar fourth house for some years, you will have had the home life from hell for some years. But now with Mars the warrior in Sagittarius as well, there's the danger of rows and firearms incidents. If your partner or any of your parents or your children has an illegal gun collection, you could do one of three things. You could hide the key to the gun cupboard in your own medicine cupboard. No one would even want to look there, let alone have any hope of finding it. Or, you could wash all the ammunition and excuse yourself by saying it was very dirty and needed it. Your third option could be just to turn the guilty party in because they've been pissing you off for years anyway and it's so good to do the right thing, isn't it!

The month begins with the conjunction of the great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess in Aries and your solar eighth house of sex, obsession and joint finances. You'll probably be bonking your brains out, in between bouts of manic cleaning and going to meetings with all of your Virgo friends to discuss the Share & Price index with your sharebroker until he's bored out of his brain by your questions. However with the great Sol Invicti and Venus square to the Moon's Nodes in Cancer and Capricorn, all the bonking will be with one of your best friend's teenage children and your stockbroker will ask you and your friends to withdraw your funds and go somewhere else with them. Please!

Mercury the messenger starts the month in Pisces and your solar seventh house, squaring Mars in Sagittarius. You'll have a blazing row at home, no doubt because you're lying to cover up the teenage liaison, or trying to deny it was you who told the police about the illegal gun collection. The row will continue until the end of the first week of April when Mercury moves into Aries and your solar eighth house to join with Venus. They'll have a jolly little meeting on the FULL MOON on April 8th when you'll give the teenager the flick (he/she didn't wash enough) and find a sharebroker, female probably, who likes to answer your inane questions. You'll lodge your funds with her and probably start a secret affair, regardless of your own sex, because money's your great concern at the moment and you know how people like to talk in bed after sex.

As the fourth week of April begins, the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger move into Taurus and your solar ninth house, calling you on the path of religion and travel. Venus the goddess then starts to go forward again and Saturn moves in Gemini and your solar tenth house of profession and social responsibility. You decide to bring your seedy and profligate life to an end and cash in your investments. When the NEW MOON comes on April 23rd you'll give up your worldly wealth and travel to an overseas country where you can work slavishly on behalf of the poor and the disadvantaged, perhaps a nice clean country like Switzerland where they all wash properly and keep the right time. You always did like cuckoo clocks!