Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Hola, little nitwits of anal retention and clean toilet seats! How are your sweet-smelling sheets, your sparkling surfaces and your freshly wiped bottoms? All appropriately marked out of ten for cleanliness, no doubt! So there you were, worrying, having an illicit affair and working for the good of humanity as last month ended. What then are the vile and bitter prognostications for awful April?
Well, I'll tell you! A New Moon in Aries sees the deepening of this lustful relationship. With Mercury the messenger and sober Saturn in harmony, you write a 'five year' plan to secure your future. As mighty Mars and Chiron conjoin in your solar fifth house, your sexual athleticism knows no bounds. Mercury moves into Taurus and you organize an overseas trip to sell your products and teaching services far and wide. Venus the goddess squares underworld Pluto and you jettison your past love and attendant addicted family.
The Lunar Nodes move into Taurus and Scorpio and your solar ninth and third houses and you aim to become the lynch pin of a vast publishing empire that will teach only good and right-minded things in an otherwise evil and offensive world. I can hardly wait to purchase a book and teaching tapes myself! But, horror upon horror, little virgins! What's this that's happening now?
The Full Moon comes in Libra with nasty aspects to mighty Mars! You find yourself toppling out of a particularly testing sexual posture, with an injured knee and exhausted adrenal glands. You'll have to give it all up to recuperate. Mighty Mars moves into Aquarius and you see a Swedish body-worker for remedial therapy. Venus the goddess enters Aries and you find yourself breathless and enamoured of her/his skillful hands.
Oh dear, little virgins! Not again! As Mercury the messenger turns retrograde, you cancel your earlier travel plans and hire a lodge in the mountains, asking your therapist to accompany you for a rather jolly rustic romp with much spontaneous yodelling. Farewell, little virgins! Until next time!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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