Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Greetings, addlepate surface-wipers! The vistas of global healing and punitive therapy open out before you all as we enter the flagellant climes of awful August. So here are the vile and bitter prognostications pertaining thereto.
The great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune and your delusion of spiritual power grows like the leaves of those idiotic miniature lettuces you cultivate in window boxes when you have no back yard. Mercury the messenger clashes with mighty Mars and the demand for the thrashings to be harder and longer rings in your ears. The faithful flock by the thousands to be dealt to, deserting home and family in climes both near and far to be with you. All they desire is to feel the fierce swish of your rod or paddle on their tender parts.
Come the Full Moon in nitwit Aquarius and Mercury's scrape with underworld Pluto, your genteel spirit can hardly bear the screaming, despite the good you know it's doing. And, the bandages are running low once more. A gaggle of fatuous planets gathers in Leo and your solar twelfth house and you seem to hear the voice of the deity himself (which one I'm not sure) praising the good works you're doing.
Venus the goddess and the great Sol Invicti enter your sign and you put aside your nervous sensibilities and steel yourself for the massive task ahead of you, purging the masses of their base desires. As Venus the goddess clashes with mighty Mars, your faithful inspire you to greater heights of spiritual cleansing. Why not execute the punishments while indulging the base desires? This is an excellent time management plan and finds immediate appeal, especially with the demonstrations you personally give.
Come the New Moon and jolly Jupiter in your sign, your leadership of this growing cult elevates you to unprecedented public status. As the great Sol Invicti clashes with mighty Mars, the founder of the global healing network rises up from the crowd to dispute your leadership. However, the crowd in turn gives him a personal demonstration of your new methods, thus quashing his rash attempt at a coup.
Great gods alive and dead, little virgin nitwits, you're at the pinnacle of your fame! As Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in your sign, you begin to consider it may be time to revive the global hygiene movement you tried to establish so long ago. Now might be the day of universal cleanliness come to the world at large! I'm feeling unwell. I may have to lie down. If I've recovered by next month, I may write some more of this inflated twaddle! Till then, little carping nitwits!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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