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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of November 2003    Go Forward
    Great gods, alive and dead, little virginal nitwits! I'm already bored with the recent creative adjustments I have made to the mind-numbing tedium of your carping and miserable lives. Thus, I wipe the slate clean and begin again. We are here at the threshold of nasty November for which I have the vile and bitter prognostications to hand.

    Lunatic planets frolic in a foulness of nasty aspects that sour the Heavens. We find you, little finicky twerps, on your way to an 'inner child' class (or something equally worthy and nauseating) when you're mugged by an evil-looking (and smelling) passerby. You race to the nearest public facility to wash your body, then to the nearest launderette to wash your clothes. While watching the clothes go round in the dryer (demurely clad in a fetching arrangement of fresh newspaper) you decide to join the police force, the organization of every city's finest ruled by your odious sign. Thus it is that order will be maintained if such sickening people as yourselves are wearing uniforms and telling us all what to do.

    Come the Full Moon and a lunar eclipse in tiresome Taurus, you've joined the academy and are already in full swing learning rules and regulations whilst advising your fellow cadets on how to clean and press a uniform. It's not long before you begin to find the slim and well-polished lines of a senior officer somewhat enticing. Soon you're also teaching the best way to fold a uniform on taking it off so as to keep those rather attractive creases in place.

    The New Moon comes with a solar eclipse in idiot Sagittarius and you've moved out of home and into the cadet barracks. This is in order to create a stronger team feeling and also to be closer to this new apple of your eye who is a supervising officer there. You spend many a happy evening practicing your arrest technique and the getting to know the best positions in which to handcuff a suspect, whilst learning a variety of phrases which, when shouted aloud, indicate that persons of dubious intent should surrender immediately to the authority of the law. And, there's many a humorous discussion on how such authority is exerted once a suspect is in a prone and helpless position.

    Venus the goddess moves into miserable Capricorn and you're offered a course of higher learning that will move you with precocious speed to the upper echelons of your newly chosen profession. Great gods alive and dead, little virginal nitwits! Is the success you've been seeking so long now handed to you on a blue platter? Let's wait and see, shall we! Click here next month!

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