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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of December 2003    Go Forward
    Hooray and hola, little virginal nitwits! Last month, we left you climbing the ladder of achievement in your new chosen profession, the police force. So, what do we have for you this month? We shall soon see but, first of all, let me apologize for being late with your forecast. I know that tardiness is inexcusable to persons of your odious sign. However, as the sign of tear-stained Pisces on the cusp of your solar seventh house will have taught you, there are many things in life you must accept simply because you cannot change them. I am one of those things.

    Now, before we begin in earnest with the vile and bitter prognostications, pertaining to dreadful December, I will fill you in on the missing bits. Mischievous Mercury moved into miserable Capricorn and your solar fifth house, so you probably spent a lot of time thinking about gilt-edged investments, sexual activity with an elderly person or an obscure handcraft practiced by your paternal grandmother. This was followed by vamping Venus clashing with lugubrious Saturn, moving you to decide against any or all of the above because of the expense involved (oh it's good to have a savings plan).

    Now, we stand at the Full Moon in addlepate Gemini and your solar tenth house. Your career moves in leaps and bounds as you walk the paths of higher education that lead directly to the upper echelons of the city's finest. Nitwit planets crash about in meaningless ways, most notably the great Sol Invicti, underworld Pluto and jolly Jupiter, thus throwing your emotional and domestic life into turmoil. The great Sol Invicti conjoins with underworld Pluto and you move out of the cadet barracks and into a dormitory at the hallowed halls of learning. Marauding Mars moves to arrogant Aries and your solar eighth house and you're hungry for everything life has to offer.

    As mischievous Mercury turns retrograde, you end your current liaison because she/he will soon be an officer of a lower rank and thus your affair could only be clandestine. As it's too late for that, the practical option must be taken. Vamping Venus enters Aquarius and you have jolly discussions on wonderful new ideas with your wonderful new fellow students. The great Sol Invicti moves into Capricorn, bringing a New Moon in that miserable sign and, jolly thing that you are (Jupiter in your sign), you launch yourself on a voyage to higher things as you take command of the ship of your life.

    However, little carping nitwits, all is not smooth on the road to success. Retrograde Mercury clashes with marauding Mars and your jilted ex-lover (why can't they just accept your decisions) spikes your vegetarian Christmas dinner with real ham instead of 'I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT HAM'. Fortunately, you can smell this evil substitution before you even enter the room. Thus, you shun the festivities (you never did like a fuss) and go to a special lecture on the philosophical aspect of doing good in the world through the correct application of the principles of law. Great gods alive and dead, the rest of us are just pining to be with you instead of eating and drinking all day! And there, you find your Yuletide gift! A sweet-smelling lecturer, one wise in the ways of doing good and gifted with the compassion of the ages!

    As marauding Mars clashes with lugubrious Saturn, you swear (in proper language of course) a mighty oath that she/he will be yours and together you will finally launch a crusade to bring goodness and light to this naughty world of ours. Insane, of course! But, in a benighted world ruled by insane gods, what else could one expect! See you next month, servants and savants of the rule of law.

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