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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of February 2004    Go Forward
    Ho to you, hideous harridans! Hola to you, horrible harpies! Great gods alive and dead! I think that's enough truck with the letter 'h' to last for the next four weeks. So let's turn our attention to the letter 'f'! That will bring us fearful February and the frightfully fascinating but frankly vile (and bitter) prognostications in the usual monthly dosage.

    Last time we left you, you were at a lecture on law enforcement and falling in love with another sweet-smelling, scrupulously washed do-gooder! And love blossoms quickly as usual. With marauding Mars in Taurus and your solar ninth house, it's not long before the two of you are out hiking in nature and having many a lively discussion about good old-fashioned values. Come the Full Moon in fatuous Leo, you have stunning revelations about your life, your career and your spiritual destiny and force others to stay awake while you recount them. Vamping Venus moves into arrogant Aries and your mutual physical exertions take on a horizontal character. As marauding Mars and miserable Saturn harmonize, you bend every effort to succeed in your mission to bring order to a naughty world with this newfound soulmate.

    Come the New Moon in tear-stained Pisces and your solar seventh house, you decide to marry and live your lives together in spiritually uplifting mutual bliss. But what's this, little nervous surface-wipers? By my little brown bottle, it looks bad! You stand on the carpet of the bridal suite, rubbing your naked feet in the shag pile to increase your sexual pleasure through static electricity when grievous doubts strike at the very heart of you. Your newly won spouse smiles an odd and crooked smile. Could it be this saint is not quite what she/he seems?

    Idiot Uranus now cavorts in wretched Pisces and your solar seventh house. Nothing will be what it seems under such odious auspices! And, what's more, mischievous Mercury crosses the path of the eccentric one right at this very moment. Why, little virginal nitwits, you may have married a mad person! Or you may have married a sane person who will suddenly go mad (possible, for obvious reasons).

    You find you're paralyzed with fear! Your body pulses with un-discharged static electricity! You begin to pick up local radio stations, broadcasting from body parts it would be better for a sensitive soul such as myself not to mention. Is this all about to go horribly wrong? Click here next month and see, my hideous harpies! Until then, do what you do best! Worry! Ta! Ta!

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