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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of June 2004  Go Forward
    Greetings, surface-wipers! Are you charged up and ready to run with the vile and bitter prognostications for jaded June! Well, here they come! Catch!

    Last time we left you, the victim of a ghastly allergic reaction to electricity. It seems you’d been so long in your mountain abode that you’d become unused to the voltage of modern life. As a Full Moon comes in loathsome Sagittarius, you usher the visitor away from the scene of your eccentric gyrations and instantly decide to move even further from urban influence. You purchase a horse and cart and set out for the deep woods to find a safe abode.

    Venus eclipses the great Sol Invicti whilst retrograde in your solar tenth house and thus you put aside all aspiration for life where technology reigns supreme. As odious planets clash in the Heavens, you break with past associations and wend your way over mountain and stream with only the forest creatures for company and a book on Ned Ludd as your solace and Bible.

    And that’s it, little virginal nitwits! At the New Moon in idiot Gemini, you realize you’ve become a Luddite, a hater of machines, a technophobe, an exponent of the time-honoured skills and practices of the cottage industries of old. Come the Solstice and the great Sol Invicti’s entry in neurotic Cancer, you settle in a small community in the wild, dwelling among a simple folk who live as their forbears did (in many ways as you’re soon to discover).

    Marauding Mars enters Leo and your solar twelfth house and you spend much time in seclusion, devising various appliances driven by belts and wheels and good old-fashioned elbow grease. These include a peculiar piece of apparatus designed to give sexual satisfaction through the agency of cogs, levers and several pieces of studded fur, the operation of which may not be properly described here.

    Mischievous Mercury conjoins with lugubrious Saturn and you decide it’s time to get the message of Ned Ludd out to the world. This will be the end of the era of machines and the beginning of the New Age of the manual task. No more the clash and grind of gears or the haunting sound of things that go beep in the night. Vamping Venus goes direct and you will show the world how to live in the old way.

    By my little brown bottle! You’re back on the crusader’s path, ready to make the world a better place! Will you succeed! If I can stop sniggering in time, I will write more of this piffle for you next month! Ta! Ta!

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