Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, little virginal persons! Read on if you dare and discover the trail of grim disasters that opens up before you in the coming month. Even I might tremble and quail as I catalogue such a fate, that's if I were remotely concerned about the welfare of any other human being which I'm not so I really don't care what you do from here. I'll write the worst news I can think of while you look for errors and all will be in its place in this grim and distasteful world.
As awful August rolls ahead, sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward in Gemini and your solar tenth house wrestles with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar fourth house. You will be beset by responsibilities, the need to make difficult career decisions, emotional problems and domestic turmoil. You may clash with persons in authority, older people, retired journalists or nerve specialists, aging media personalities and in fact anyone at all who finds your carping manner and self-effacing personality to be most tiresome. This is in fact everybody, so you need to prepare for two or three weeks of unreasoning (but not unreasoned or unreasonable) attacks upon the sacrosanctitude of your person.
The cause of these most unfortunate circumstances is primarily astrological and not anything to do with my personal desire to see you all confined in some kind of institution where the ideas of obsessive self-criticism and painstaking effort might be better appreciated. No! Rather it is the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger who both dog your steps with general lassitude, minor mishaps and irritating assaults by lesser beings and hidden enemies. You might even seek a psychic reading or try a bit of rough trade (a practice for which your sign is notorious) with a suicidal nun or a drug-smuggling prison guard. The time for such dalliance comes around August 10th when Mercury the messenger opposes revolutionary Uranus in Aquarius and your solar sixth house so make sure you don't contract any unusual infections or sustain any injuries. By August 14th, the busy little messenger moves into your own sign, brightening up your life immensely and giving you plenty to chat about with all your irritating Virgo friends. Your sign is known to hang around together in large numbers. There should be a collective noun to describe such a gathering. We could speak of a 'worry of Virgos' or perhaps a 'gossip of Virgos'. A good thing to avoid one way or another! Anyway, back to the plot!
So far, little has come of your plans for the global hygiene campaign since your return to home soil. Then, a fateful heavenly configuration that precedes the NEW MOON in Leo and your solar twelfth house sends the search for your secret dream staggering down the corridors of confusion. You receive an email from the Swiss Academy of Surface Wiping informing you that they have overturned your qualifications because of accusations of sexual misconduct by one of the staff there (the one you had an affair with). Added to this insult, there is a recurrence of irritation in your finger joints.
As Mercury the messenger makes tension with both underworld Pluto and sober Saturn, you find your plans seem to have come to a grinding halt. However, when the great Sol Invicti moves into your sign, you decide to take action. You start a support group for all those beings who can't bear living in an imperfect world and either complain or worry about it constantly. A large number of people (all Virgos surprisingly) gather for the first meeting and this new strategy seems to be an instant success. However, when Mercury the messenger in your sign makes tension with Chiron and mighty Mars in Sagittarius and your solar fourth house, various members of your family appear at the second meeting in an effort to urge you to come back home and give up this nonsense. A fierce argument develops, resulting in a terrible headache (you know how much you hate conflict). As the great Sol Invicti makes cosmic chaos with mystic Neptune, someone offers you an analgesic. You take it, but fall into a swoon, being such a sensitive creature. You're rushed off to hospital. Oh dear! What will happen about global hygiene and the perfect world now that you're asleep? Wake me next month and I'll see if I can be bothered to tell you.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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