What ho, my aggravating 'anal intensive' types! Last time we left, you were approaching, somewhat tremulously, a new residence you were to take up in Syria. You were in this exotic land, running illegal shipments of catmint whilst apparently engaged in the legitimate transport of frozen food. You were living out of your vehicle until a 'catmint' associate offered you, Pinkie and Perky (your werewolves) this distant manse as a shelter for tired wayfarers. You journeyed long and hard to get there but now contemplate with uncertainly the Shangri-La you have so long sought.
As usual, I'm late with the forecast so I'll catch you up on what you've missed. Mischievous Mercury slipped a quick one to dark Pluto, the underworld god, then moved into perverse reverse. Thus, you have been lost several times along the way as well as having minor mishaps. You stand now on an eerie threshold, uncertain of what you're getting into. As jolly Jupiter has also been cavorting insanely and obscenely with narcotic Neptune, you're feeling tired, unwell and exhausted by the exertions and deprivations you have been through in times both recent and distant. Vamping Venus also returned to idiot Aquarius and you yearned for a tidy retreat wherein you could lay your weary bones.
So for the past! Now for the future! It's prognostication time, my wittering twerps! And it's of a vile and bitter nature, the kind you're most familiar with. Still we find you standing at the threshold of the domain that awaits you, somehow eerily aware that to enter the front door will set you on a new path in life. Pinkie and Perky growl softly, uneasily! As marauding Mars sideswipes Uranus, idiot god, in an improper manner, a brewery truck drives by and a male youth screams obscene remarks from the cab. Reacting with lightning speed in case of danger, you leap beneath the portico then roll through the open door.
Egad! You're in, my surface-wiping ninnies! You gaze about you, wondering, sensing an eerie presence in the seemingly endless maze of staircases and corridors. Eek! How spooky and unsettling! The Full Moon comes, bringing a Lunar Eclipse to your own aggravating sign, and you feel that you are somehow changed forever as you've stepped onto the marble floor of this ancient home. Ye gods and little fishes, my tiny twerps! What powerful forces reside there! And, by my sainted aunt, what are they set to do to your ghastly little selves? You're so moved by a sense of otherworldly presence you call aloud in the emptiness. Nothing replies! Thus, unnerved by fear and yet wishing to show bravado, you snap your fingers disdainfully into the empty silence.
But what's this? Great gods alive and dead, it's the great Sol Invicti, clattering into odious Aries and visiting yet another Equinox on an over-burdened world. And what happens? An occult marvel, tiny tikes! That's what! On the instant of your snap, fires rise in the grates and from the torches on the wall. Egad! How masterfully magical! But was it you or was it the so far silent and invisible presence in the house? You look about in wonderment and fear, as mischievous Mercury now moves forward, giving yet another quick one to dark Pluto, underworld god. But what's this? Eek! Throw your hands in the air and scream 'quelle horreur', little idiots! If you thought it was bad before, carping virgins, it's about to get even worse.
A New Moon and Solar Eclipse come in addlepate Aries and you feel as if you're sinking. And you are, tiny twerps! But not to the floor or even into a hidden pond or sunken bath! You're sinking into a trance, losing the thread of conscious as a deciduous tree will lose its leaves at the autumnal revels! What will you do? What can you do? As I'm losing consciousness myself, from ennui though and not from any metaphysical manifestations, I shall lie down with my little brown bottle and my lovely silver tube. If you want any more of this egregious piffle, click here next month! If I'm conscious, I shall probably write some. In the meantime, ave atque vale, my odious virginal nitwits! Ta! Ta!