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VEXATIOUS VIRGO...	 —Asperitus Signs— Asperitus Speaks Nhill, holy city Aries Asp (March/April) Taurus Asp (April/May) Gemini Asp (May/June) Cancer Asp (June/July) Leo Asp (July/Aug) Virgo Asp (Aug/Sept) Libra Asp (Sept/Oct) Scorpio Asp (Oct/Nov) Sagittarius Asp (Nov/Dec) Capricorn Asp (Dec/Jan) Aquarius Asp (Jan/Feb) Pisces Asp (Feb/Mar)
  The Jaded Japes of June 2008 Â

Yea but monstrous Saturn in your sign will grapple and groan with idiot Uranus in wretched Pisces, as noxious November unfolds. Beware the ideas of that dreadfilled month, little virginal ninnies!

You'll show concern for the health of a loved one, or pontificate to them about diet and exercise. You prescribe obscure herbs to heal their addictions, soothe their troubled dreams, or inspire their exhausted artistic abilities. You reorganize the house so that no one can actually find anything they want without asking you first.

You'll think very elderly thoughts, live on nuts and turnips, or smoke aromatic herbs by the fireside. You will speak severely to people you know well, as you organize lovers or partners, or you get on with your stitching or saddlery while your nearest and dearest drink too much or retreat into a fantasy world. A partner will lose all your money gambling, so you'll have to get a boring job to solve your financial problems. You will live alone and attempt to help people that are useless or inebriated.

TIPS FOR JADED JUNE:

You are troubled by a gaggle of persons demanding service, complaining about their purchases or returning communication devices. A quick sexual encounter relieves the tedium of your employ, though you won't remember much about it afterwards.

You invite foreigners or academics to a gathering at your home at the Full Moon in addlepate Sagittarius, leaving your guests to talk loudly while you polish the silverware or resurface the benches with aniseed and caraway. You prepare exotic food for dinner and take the leftovers to work in a neat organic plastic lunch box.

As vamping Venus and the great Sol Invicti slip into slimy Cancer, you join the 'SAVE THE CRETAN SEA URCHIN' society, devise a charcoal filter for your water pistol and win an award for the having cleanest steam jet in the local barista competition. You prepare a hallucinogenic tobacco from your herb garden and make a tidy sum selling it at the 'SAVE THE CRETAN SEA URCHIN' meetings. What could be more satisfying? Return anon and so discover, surface wipers.

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